Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Un-named Named!

Un-named Named!
Originally uploaded by Theorris

And the winner is...Thor!

I know. I know. Thor was not an option in the poll, but the Wilhelm inmates and friends of Wilhelm inmates had several differing opinions on what the name should be.

So Thor's full name is

"Thor Wilber 'Regulator Johnson' Rodriguez."

"Regulator Johnson is his wrestling name.

Shouldn't I be Sleeping?

71/365: Shouldn't I be Sleeping?
Originally uploaded by Theorris

What the hell? It is vacation and I wake up at 5:00 am!

While I was making my breakfast of eggs and bacon, I thought about heart attacks and the cholesterol=lowering benefits of oats. I put oats on my shopping list.

Maybe I should go walk in the mall and then yell at kids who may or may not be on my lawn. Damn kids these days.

Screw that. I'm going back to bed.

That mug, by the way, is from New York from friend Hopabout. It is called "Cat Tricks." The black one laying down is "Fetch." The one standing up like a meerkat is "Go Away." The persian is "Chase." You get the idea.

Monday, December 29, 2008

2008 Most Listened to Band Awards recap

See the thing about LIVE blogging is that in order to relive a live experience, you have to scroll all the way to the bottom.

Oh well.

I have more later about the bands that I actually think should be honored this year, and not just listened to incessantly by me.

Last.fm: theorris shared Wilco

Hi there,

theorris at Last.fm wants to share this with you:


theorris said:

And the Number One listened to band of 2008 is


What? Wilco?

I blame the incessant listening to Wilco in the Summer due to their concert at
Red Butte Gardens.

With 379 listens, they beat out beck by just about 80. If Beck had showed up,
however, there would have been no contest.

Same goest for The Flaming Lips.

Last.fm: theorris shared Beck

Hi there,

theorris at Last.fm wants to share this with you:


theorris said:

Coming in at #2 on "The Most Listened to Band or Musical Group of 2008" is BECK!



Beck is currently #1 on Theorris's all-time play list, but takes second fiddle
this year.

The world is surely turned upside down.

2008 Most Listened to Band Awards

Ok, we're back, and the anticipation of who is Theorris's most listened to band of the year is rolling over the crowd.

We've already had many top contenders taken out. Who will it be?


Edges of your seats!

Seriously, don't put your fingers around the edges of seats. You have no idea what other people have put there. Trust me.

Back with more in a moment!

Who will be the most listened to band of the year? Will it be Beck? Beyonce? Kid Rock?

Last.fm: theorris shared The Flaming Lips

Hi there,

theorris at Last.fm wants to share this with you:

The Flaming Lips

theorris said:

Number 3 on the big list of my "Most Listened to Bands of 2008" is...The Flaming
Lips! A year without the Lips is like a year without Christmas...on Mars.

Last.fm: theorris shared Spoon

Hi there,

theorris at Last.fm wants to share this with you:


theorris said:

Coming it at #4 on the "Most Listened to Bands of 2008" is Spoon. What can you
say about Spoon other than they are destined to be one of the best musical
groups of all time?

Last.fm: theorris shared Aqueduct

Hi there,

theorris at Last.fm wants to share this with you:


theorris said:

Coming in at #5 on Theorris's "Most Listened to Bands of 2008" is Aqueduct.
Aqueduct is driven by David Terry and has various members. "Growing up with
GNR" is a great song.

And now back to our show!

The top 5 will have more commentary, but most-likely just the same amount of annoyances.

Nearly there!

Ok, it is getting annoying.

I'm going to go back and take out the "trailer" information from lastfm and just leave it on #15.

After the break stay tuned for the top 5!

Last.fm: theorris shared Ghostland Observatory

Hi there,

theorris at Last.fm wants to share this with you:

Ghostland Observatory

theorris said:

Coming up at #6 on my "Most listened to Bands of 2008" is Ghostland Observatory!

Last.fm: theorris shared The New Pornographers

Hi there,

theorris at Last.fm wants to share this with you:

The New Pornographers

theorris said:

Coming up at #7 on my "Most listened to Bands of 2008" are The New

Last.fm: theorris shared The Dandy Warhols

Hi there,

theorris at Last.fm wants to share this with you:

The Dandy Warhols

theorris said:

Coming up at #8 on my "Most listened to Bands of 2008" are The Dandy Warhols!

Last.fm: theorris shared The Streets

Hi there,

theorris at Last.fm wants to share this with you:

The Streets

theorris said:

Coming up at #9 on my "Most listened to Bands of 2008" is or are The Streets!

Last.fm: theorris shared Eels

Hi there,

theorris at Last.fm wants to share this with you:


theorris said:

Coming up at #10 on my "Most listened to Bands of 2008" is or are Eels!

Most listen to bands of 2008

No, it is not spam, I'm doing it on purpose.

And no, I'm not being a shill for lastfm, but they've happily keep my statistics over past 3 years, so I might as well give them some cred.

In any case, I kind of like the bizarro/LIVE way of posting. Dispatches from Theorris! Quite twitter of me, isn't it?

Stay tuned for the top 10!

Last.fm: theorris shared The Apples in Stereo

Hi there,

theorris at Last.fm wants to share this with you:

The Apples in Stereo

theorris said:

Coming up at #11 on my "Most listened to Bands of 2008" is The Apples in Stereo!

Last.fm: theorris shared Hot Chip

Hi there,

theorris at Last.fm wants to share this with you:

Hot Chip

theorris said:

Coming up at #12 on my "Most listened to Bands of 2008" is Hot Chip!

Last.fm: theorris shared Ween

Hi there,

theorris at Last.fm wants to share this with you:


theorris said:

Coming up at #13 on my "Most listened to Bands of 2008" is Ween!

Last.fm: theorris shared The Chemical Brothers

Hi there,

theorris at Last.fm wants to share this with you:

The Chemical Brothers

theorris said:

Coming up at #14 on my "Most listened to Bands of 2008" are The Chemical

Last.fm: theorris shared Broken Social Scene

Hi there,

theorris at Last.fm wants to share this with you:

Broken Social Scene

theorris said:

Coming up at #15 on my "Most listened to Bands of 2008" is Broken Social Scene!

If you like this, add it to your Library.
This will make it easier to find, and will tell your Last.fm profile a bit more
about your music taste. This improves your recommendations and your Last.fm

The more good music you add to your Last.fm Profile, the better it becomes :)

Best Regards,
The Last.fm Email Monkey

Visit Last.fm for personal radio, tons of recommended music, and free downloads.
Create your own music profile at www.last.fm

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas!

See, even Wookies like Snuggies[TM]!

Monday, December 22, 2008

New Kitten

New Kitten
Originally uploaded by Theorris

In the few short hours he's been living with me, I've kind of gotten used to him. (See the previous entry to get the story of how he came to be here.) He also seems to have taken a shine to me. Go figure. He's a very affectionate and playful cat. He also likes to tease the other cat, which I find infinitely amusing.

He came with the name "Tango" which I'm not liking that much. I have, therefore, set up a poll other there on the side bar (-->) where you can vote on a name for him.

What's it to be?

Kindness to animals

63/365: New cat
Originally uploaded by Theorris

Early this morning, my neighbor came over with a curious box in hand. It contained the above cat. Apparently a friend of hers obtained the cat, but that friend's husband was go-to-the-emergency-room, epi-shot level allergic to cats. She wondered if I could take the cat, since he was scheduled to be euthanized in a couple of hours.


What the hell can one do when one is called to an act of humaneness so early on the Monday morning before Christmas?

"Tango" (a name which I don't particularly care for) has settled in nicely the hour he has been here. Even the other cat doesn't mind him, and seems to want to play. That's a far sight better than he usually is with comrade cats.

Its a Festivus miracle!

Friday, December 19, 2008

Pickle's Day Out

I believe I saw this 10 years ago at the Spike and Mike animation festival. I think pickle might be right.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Stop the insanity!

Scary super-90's fitness guru Susan Powter is back, baby, and if you live in a human body you will listen.

Another one for Elisa.

Sorry, Elisa, I just like the nostalgia.

I feel compelled to note that Ms. Powter is not compelled to stop the freaking insanity of the advertisements on her site.

Because I really do hate you

My fucking god! There is actually a video of the fucking worst fucking Christmas fucked up fucking fucking fuckity fuck fucking excruciatingly painful fucking song that ever was.

I do believe, in fact, that this so-called song is used for torture purposes.

I mean God All Mighty: repeating a chorus about simply having a wonderful fucking fantastica fucking doodilicious Christmas?


This song, in fact, has nearly destroyed my liking of Paul McCartney. Well that and the rest of his career after the Beatles.

Woo hoo! I can use more expletives than an Illinois Governor!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

You too can look like a Capucin Monk!

I was bemoaning a couple of weeks ago to friend and secret Signifying nothing reader Elisa the Snuggie that allows you to look like a blame fool in the privacy of your own home:

Elisa was aghast at this product (which she had seen advertised on television), so much so that I threatened to buy her one. I know she secretly wants one. Who doesn't want to look like a gaudy Capucin monk watching television, knitting, cuddling, or reading?

Yet again given the artic blast we're going to experience this weekend, the Snuggie might not look that bad.

Nah. It is the clothing epitome of "Put a Donk on It."

Tuesday, December 16, 2008


One paints
One's own canvas
Heavy or light
Dark or bright
It is one
And one's
And yours

Mark it
And be aware

Mark it
And be glad you are
Wearing shoes

Saturday, December 13, 2008

The crew takes it to the 'Tude

This will make you forget that "Donk" shit.

"For the world is hollow and I have touched the sky."


Dear god, the end of the world is nigh!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Chris has died? I didn't even know he was sick!

Chris has died? I didn't even know he was sick!
Originally uploaded by Theorris

Bah dum dum. Found on the street. This typo is from a program for a service at the Cathedral of the Madeline in Salt Lake City. It traveled quite a distance, as I found it between 1st and 2nd South on 7th East. That's about a mile away.

Saturday, December 06, 2008

Keep me out of the camera store

47/365: Keep me out of the camera store
Originally uploaded by Theorris

I went down to Inkley's (a local camera store here in SLC) with the intention of buying a spiffy wireless remote for my camera so I can more easily take these damn 365 day pictures I was coerced into doing on flickr. I walked out not only with the remote, but also a Speedlight Flash from my beloved Nikon.

I am a bad shopper.

Oh and this is my MTV cribs pose, deluxe. Is that show still on?

Bill Nye on Race

More excellent scientific debunking of racism. Part 3 is the best part. Nye can't pick his own DNA pie chart out of a mix of DNA pie charts from people around the world given that so-called "race" accounts for less than 1/1000th of a percent of the differences in our DNA.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Bruxist: Buy for Jesus!

Super-artist and erstwhile Utahn Camilla Taylor has put her work up on the interwebs for you purchasing pleasure: Bruxist: Buy for Jesus! I bought me a medium tentacle.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Science of anti-racism

Pay attention to the last little bit. As the narrator, Spencer Welles states racism is not only divisive to us all as a species but scientific untenable, or more simply put by Welles "scientifically wrong."

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Pulling Mussels (From the Shell)

39/365: Pulling Mussels (From the Shell)
Originally uploaded by Theorris

I've been meaning to get a USB record player goober for some time now. Today was so dreary here in good old SLC, that I decided to pry open my wallet and go for it. I have some various vinyl laying around and want to digitize it so that I'll not be tempted to just buy it online. Screw the RIAA, I say. I'm surprised that they don't come after outfits that produce these LP to digital devices.

Most of my teenage music sucked, but I did have some taste. Most of it, by the way, is on either CD or tape. I'm not that freaking old. My sister, however, is that freaking old, so I'll have to get all her stuff over the holidays.

The tapes, I might add, are long gone: they demagnetized rather quickly.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Infinite 8

La Hightouchmegastore tagged me, so here goes:

8 Shows I watch
  1. Simpsons
  2. Family Guy
  3. Battlestar Gallactica
  4. Nova (yes, I do watch it passionately)
  5. Mythbusters
  6. Heroes
  7. America's Funniest Home Videos (God help me)
  8. Lost in Space (thanks Hulu!)

8 Restaurants I love
  1. Cafe Shambala
  2. Bangkok Thai (sadly out of business--s.o.b)
  3. Taj India (s.o.b)
  4. Bombay House
  5. Baba Afghan (s.o.b.)
  6. Cafe Med (s.o.b.)
  7. Maza
  8. Robert's Deli (s.o.b.)
8 Things I did yesterday
  1. Caught up on email
  2. Took a picture of myself as a part of an ego-centric flickr challenge
  3. Despaired about budget
  4. Congratulated an employee
  5. Drank beer
  6. Stayed up until the wee hours
  7. Won $300,0000 in fake money in a Texas Hold 'em tournament
  8. Made a list with 12 items and accomplished them all

8 things I'm looking forward to
  1. Snow
  2. Visiting friends during the holidays
  3. Buying a eco-friendly vehicle
  4. Turkey
  5. Olives
  6. Taking some pictures
  7. Not thinking about how crappy the economy is
  8. Watching movies all day

8 Things on my wish list
  1. Eco-friendly car
  2. iPhone (yeah yeah yeah)
  3. New Macbook Pro
  4. Snow
  5. Trip around the world
  6. Meet Will Self
  7. More camera gear
  8. Publish a small lit mag

8 things I love, in no particular order
  1. My mother
  2. My father
  3. My dogs
  4. 2 old girlfriends (but no more than 2)
  5. My iMac
  6. My first car
  7. Ham
  8. The essay

8 things I can’t stand, in no particular order
  1. Lakers fans
  2. Cockroaches
  3. Vomit
  4. Burns
  5. Women who wear fake cowboy hats
  6. Puss
  7. Rush Limbaugh
  8. Michael Moore
I tag Kendrakoo and Lis.

Monday, November 17, 2008

What ya gonna do when they come for you?

And I can imagine the British voice overs: "Hello hello hello! What's going on here then!"

It does look much more like a Cops episode, however.

I do like how Officer Cluck in the back kicked the perp after he and offer Scratch broke up the fight. Note, as well, How officer Scratch intercedes himself between the two miscreants while his partner takes the rear guard. It really is nice to know that cop maneuvers and football and basketball plays are commonly shared in all us critters.

One can dream

I so very much want one of these beautiful machines: TENORI-ON : create - control - connect. Such machines show us exactly why technology is so damn cool and will ultimately save us from ourselves.

Bring on the Cylon!

Just kidding.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Angrigami dove 2

Angrigami dove 2
Originally uploaded by Theorris

Over at zefrank.com, Ze Frank has a new project based upon another project (52 to 48) that stirred up a lot of anger from some in the 48. Basically the project was meant to bridge the divide in politics. Ze, however, got a tone of angry emails. In the spirit of the original project, he decided to not let that anger get to him, so he made a "Angrigami" project (http://www.zefrank.com/angrigami/, www.zefrank.com/angrigami/about/) where you can take the angry vitriol and fold it into something else. I chose to fold a dove. Well its supposed to be a dove, anyway.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Fight at Church [of the Holy Sepulcher] in Jerusalem . Monks Fight

Religion is such a good thing for the world, isn't it? Jesus smiles down upon these feisty monks. They are, afterall, fighting over his final resting place. I found the section where one of them takes one of the cross standards and attempts to bean his not-so-fellow Christian particularly fitting. I suppose he is giving his brother in Christ a chance to turn the other cheek, or, in this case, the other part of his bashed-in skull.

Sunday, November 09, 2008

Jazz first loss of the season

Even without Williams, the Jazz have been playing pretty well. Given the broadcast blackout mentioned previously on SigNo and the fact that the radio feed from the Jazz web site goes down, I was forced to repair to the Garage (now the official Artlier, Snowboard DYI shop, and Jazz-listening post) to hear the game. (For whatever reason, none of the radios from within the Wilhelm proper can pick up the AM radio signal.)

The Jazz were doing fine in the first half and sounded as if they were going to run away with it. The Knicks, despite the fact that "they know nothing about defense" (Hot Rod Hundley), turned it around and ended up giving the Jazz their first loss of the season.

I didn't do my usual first game prediction for the season, as I was out of town, but I will stick by my pre-season hubris: the Jazz will make it to and have a very good shot at winning the Western Conference Finals.

Monday, November 03, 2008

Not watching the Jazz like it is 1987

I remember back in the 80's that there were very few Jazz games on TV. This was simply because the Jazz had precious little media draw yet and there was precious-little media out there readily available. Yes, we had cable and satellite back in the 80s, but it was nothing like the over-saturation of media that we have at the present.

Apparently the NBA, in its infinite wisdom, wishes to return to that time period when the only way you could witness games is on the radio. Pretty much all the Jazz games are on FSN this year. For those of us who have no desire to drink the "Premium Cable Package" Kool Aid at 100 smackers a month, the only option is radio. Sure I could head out to the bars, as I am wont to do on occasion, but that many times a month?

Give me a fucking break.

Here it goes: fuck you NBA. Fuck you. Pushing all of your games to premium cable is an idiotic mistake. What kind of money are you making off that deal?


On the other hand, as I sit here, listening to Hot Rod Hundley call the game, I recall why I love the Jazz so much.


Fuck you NBA.

Fuck you.

The Trail Ahead

The Trail Ahead
Originally uploaded by Theorris

It may be a long uphill climb from here, but I know we can make it with persistence and making the right choices. We'll survive the winter, and the leaves will come again to the trees.

Tomorrow I exercise the greatest obligation we have in a democracy: voting. It is, of course, more than an obligation; it is an opportunity and, indeed, a gift from all those who worked so hard to give it to us. Whoever wins, I feel confident that we will move forward on that trail, as rocky as it seems.

I know who I'm voting for. How about you?

Go Obama. Go Springmeyer. Go Mattheson. Go whoever believes in the future, in peace, and in Nature (with a big N).

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Utahns hope car-share program gains traction - Salt Lake Tribune

I have mixed feeling about this news: Utahns hope car-share program gains traction - Salt Lake Tribunee. I think it is incumbent upon UTA to develop the transit system rather trying to fix the problem by offering a car rental service. I do not deny that there will always be a use for a personal vehicle, I just wish more of us would be able to give up cars without severely curtailing our lives or ability to live. It definitely ain't easy being careless in our times.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

MaryJane Butters: Simple steps for cutting your carbon footprint - Salt Lake Tribune

Trib special correspondent MaryJane Butters offers some Simple steps for cutting your carbon footprint - Salt Lake Tribune. I might note that not using plastic bags isn't just about your carbon foot print as it is about the giant raft of plastic the size of Texas floating in the Pacific. And don't kid yourself that such plastic from Utah can't make it to the world's oceans. I've seen those bags in the wilderness drifting along their not-so-merry way.

I am also going to be transitioning SN to its next theme--something to do with the environment. As I recall, I think I've done "Sustainability" before. It takes me a while to settle on such over-arching themes.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Three dreams

I just woke up from three consecutive dreams:

1) An old girlfriend and I are having dinner in my childhood home. Out the kitchen window a hearse passes by. We start up from the table in shock, only to see that an undertaker who looks like Jim from The Office is knocking at the door.

2) I am conducting a cake walk (with a giant white cake as a prize) for what I think are washed up 70's TV stars. It is difficult to tell because every time I try to get a good look at them, I fuck up the record player and they all sit down quickly. The music is a variety of Guy Lombardo, The Smiths, and unrecognizable generic 70s pop rock. There is a little person competing in the cake walk and he swears at me. At one point, I decide that I hate the record I am playing and look for another in the cabinet beneath the record player. I find a broken copy of a Guy Lombardo 78 which I apparently purchased on eBay. Tired of waiting, Farah Fawcett grabs the cake and runs out the door.

3) I am on the side of the road by a guardrail and am in my 20s. I am wearing a contemporary woolen ski cap, giant headphones connected to one of those mod black and thin iPods, a black tee shirt with a white skull on it, and expensive jeans. I have longish black hair with curly locks. Clearly I am not myself. A shiny spot catches my eye in the guardrail and I see that something has been shoved between the seam where metal overlaps the wood. I pull on the hooked end of the gold and it slides out. It turns out to be an earring shaped like an icon for the Buddha of Boundless Light. The music in my headphones swells to a fever pitch. It sounds vaguely familiar, but I cannot place it. The guitar drones into a wail. While I am admiring the golden earring cupped in my palm, a vagrant has ridden up on his bike. HE hops off, letting it fall into the road. He has a white cane meant for the blind and says something. I don't hear him because of the headphones. He says something again and hits my leg with the cane.

I pull my headphones down onto my neck.

"You gotta have something like jerky or chips, man!"

He is asking for food, I surmise.

"Sorry I don't."

"Oh yeah! What's in that bag." He hits my backpack with his cane and it suddenly changes into a switchblade. He threatens me with the knife with a snear.

"Get the fuck out of here!" I yell (and I think I did yell this in my sleep as when I awoke seconds later I swear I heard the words ringing in my ears.) In a deft move I take the knife from him. He begins to cry, his yellow teeth glaring through cracked lips in the harsh sunlight.

I was powerfully hungry when I was startled awake. I had a breakfast of steak and eggs (without the eggs).

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Sadly disappointed

I've been too busy with how I make a living (and I might note enjoyably so) to diddle around here.

I fear I shall be a bore on this front for, oh, the next two months.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Postcard: Have and Have Nots

Postcard: Have and Have Nots
Originally uploaded by Theorris

The funny thing about Sonoma Sedona, Arizona is that it has the remnants of hippie culture (crystals, vorteces, tie dye) and million dollar condos with McCain signs out front.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Into the sunrise

Into the sunrise
Originally uploaded by Theorris

And so now I leave you, striding confidently into the sunrise for parts known, and, I hope, unknown.

Don't despair! I shall return (in several days.)

Monday, October 06, 2008

"Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!"

Delicate Arch--all lit up
Originally uploaded by Theorris

I ventured down to Moab this weekend for a photography and hiking extravaganza. It was a nice getaway. I hadn't been to Arches since the 90s, and it was nice being able to take pictures of things I only remotely remember now. (I didn't have any sort of camera back then, and regret that fact to this day.)

Delicate Arch is probably the most photographed object in Utah, but having made the hike, I had to give it a go. I can see why people like to take pictures of it. Not only does it have a magnificent backdrop, but when the sun hits it right, it lights up like gold. Rather than an arch, however, I started thinking of it as a sort of bell-bottomed Ozymandias, having lost his torso to the sands many eons ago.

There were a group of surly photographers yelling at tourists to get out of their shot whenever the sun came out. I didn't mind the tourists wanting their picture taken underneath the arch as they give a sense of scale, and I can imagine the desire to have your picture taken with it. The only annoying person was an English college student who burst upon the scene (quite literally) and exclaimed with contempt "I thought it was going to be wafer-thin! Pwahh!" She must have been impressed enough by it to risk the wrath of the photographers by brazenly standing underneath it when the sun came out.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Go Jazz! or I'm still not too old to get worked up about meeting a basketball legend

Ok, so maybe Ron Boone is not a legend in the eyes of many, but he was an all star in the old ABA 3 times over for the Utah Stars (go stars!) and I remember watching him play when I was a kid. I believe, as well, that Booner is high in the NBA record books for best free throw percentage. After he left the ABA he played in the NBA for 8 seasons and ended up with a .830 FTP. In case you don't know, he now serves as a commentator on Jazz games.

Now what is all this leading to, you ask? Well tonight I had the opportunity to meet Booner at a social function. I didn't delve to much into asking him questions about his career or even about the Jazz, fearing that it would be tedious for him. I am kind of kicking myself now, however, for not mentioning my fond memories of the Utah Stars as a kid.

I did, however, bring up the topic of the dearth of Jazz games on broadcast TV this year. The League, he stated, wants to shift in the direction of having more games on FSN or other such premium cable packages. He was genuinely concerned, however, that many fans would be excluded from viewing games in their homes. It gave me a good chance to make a joke about now being required to visit the bar quite regularly.

He laughed, as did Middlebrow, who was also in the conversation. Middlebrow, of course, has much more basketball cred than I do, being that he is multi-time County League champion.

I hang my head in shame.
Anyway, here I am, at a fundraiser for the Community Writing Center schmozing with him:

The theme for the fundraiser was the Haiku. Booner wrote a Haiku and offered a round of golf with him as well as other Jazz paraphenalia. I boldly placed the first bid for his haiku in the silent auction. I monitored the bidding throughout the night, but was ultimately outbid (substantially) by a woman who was excited that she stamped the floor and squeeled.

Now, fo course, I would ever behave in such a way. I was far too busy trying to figure out how I could work a miracle and improve my golf game in a very short amount of time. Hey, I wouldn't want to be embarrassed in front of a legend now, would I?

Side note: I also lost the bid on a Amiri Baraka "Afro-American Low Coup."

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Blue Plate

Blue Plate
Originally uploaded by Theorris

Just sold this photo for the Salt Lake Visitors Guide. At this rate, I'll be able to buy a new camera in about 300 years!

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Where the heck did summer go?

Woo hoo!
"Oct. 7 vs. L.A.L. at Anaheim 8 p.m. KJZZ
Oct. 9 PHOENIX 7 p.m. KJZZ
Oct. 12 at Portland 4 p.m. KJZZ
Oct. 15 at Denver 7 p.m. KJZZ
Oct. 17 vs. Chicago at Champaign 6:30 p.m. KJZZ
Oct. 18 at Chicago 6:30 p.m. KJZZ
Oct. 23 PORTLAND 7 p.m. KJZZ" (Utah Jazz: The last hurrah? - Salt Lake Tribune)

Let's see: my pre-season prediction last year was correct. I think the Jazz will take it to the finals this year.

Now that's pretty bold of me, isn't it?

Sunday, September 28, 2008

The night

The night
Originally uploaded by Theorris

Moths in the night sweep
Across the shadow swiftly
Time is their's to waste

Throw the heizer!

Wilhelm Disc Golf Invitational 2008: Ready to Throw
Originally uploaded by Theorris

Well another Wilhelm Disc Golf Invitational has come and gone. We actually had a non-regular join us this time (Molly). She threw quite well. I had an enjoyable time, until my rhythm was rudely interrupted by an obnoxious family who had no sense of disc golf etiquette. Barbarians!

See Disc-a-rama for a few more details.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Jet wing!

If you really want to buy me a gift, Please make it this.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Ok, the real palate cleaner: Top of the World

Possible the best home-made video ever. I mean, my hell. How can you not love this video? Tell me. Damn you, tell me.

Cleaning the palate or the best of my Mom's 8 track player

When his smiled his eyes would twinkle in the sun.

And I can feel a new tomorrow coming on.

La la la la la yeah!

This was 38 years ago, mind you

Think about it. 1970. Too bad Ozzy lost it in the crime of profiteering--well that and half his band died of drug overdoses.

Still, put this in context.

Think of 1970, if you were alive then (I barely was.) If you weren't, look it up.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008


British (and erstwhile American) author Will Self sums up the current economic fiasco quite nicely:
"If only we'd borrowed a few other important concepts from the Germans we might be better placed to weather the storm; concepts such as “social market” and a conservative belief that far from house-price inflation being a good thing, it's a bad one. But we didn't. We preferred to borrow from those so-called Masters of the Universe on Wall Street, so all we're left with is schadenfreude, anger — or in the case of the poor, outright misery." (I can only feel anger at the bankers going bust | News)
Imagine that: a world where flipping property is a trait that is to be derided and seen as economically bad instead of lauded by at least 8 cable television shows. Imagine!

Monday, September 15, 2008

Don your hair shirts: One Dollar Diet Project

Can you live off the food that one dollar a day can provide: One Dollar Diet Project?

My frugal Scots heritage makes me want to try such a project. Something tells me I could actually eat rather well, as long as you don't count the cost of energy it takes to prepare food. Fresh produces, of course, is the enemy in such a project, given that fresh fruit and vegetables are out-of-site expensive. A single apple, for example, is well over a dollar now. Eating frozen vegetables seems like cheating, given that you have to expend the energy to keep them frozen.

Rather than taking on the challenge of eating on less than a dollar a day, I think I might calculate how much I spend in food, and then attempt to maximize my food dollar. I know for damn sure that I can eat much more cheaply than I would by paying others to prepare food that I can easily make myself.

A dollar a day, however, would appear to be egregiously tight and near starvation level, of course. Then again, I presume that most of the third world is forced to live on such a diet. They, of course, would have to calculate their energy costs into such a budget. As I said, that's where we get into deep problems--energy is even more expensive for third world people. They have to hunt down non-existent firewood or pay outrageous amounts for portable fuel.

It might do us all some good to try to live the way the most unfortunate of our fellow humans have to live. I don't think, however, I could do it for a month.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Like putting boots on a dog

Dog in boots
Originally uploaded by Theorris

Hey, I just figured the whole "Lipstick on a pig" thing had grown a little stale, so Obama might want to try a fresh analogy.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Fascinating Fact #6: State Liquor Stores

Did you know that Sweden, Norway, Finland, Iceland, and Canada all have state liquor stores much like Utah? Despite their rather "liberal" associations with foaming-at-the-mouth conservatives in the United States, Scandinavian countries such as Sweden are rather unabashed in their moral certitude about controlling liquor:
The retail monopoly exists for one reason only: alcohol related problems are reduced if alcohol is sold in the absence of a profit motive. Our mandate obliges us to help limit the medical and social damage caused by alcohol and there by improve public health. (Systembolaget, 4)
Many foaming-at-the-mouth and ill-informed liberals in Utah, however, would probably argue that a 19th Century Utilitarian/Socialist motive is not behind Utah's liquor control. In all fairness to the Tom Barberi crowd, the Utah Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control makes no mention of public health on its web site, but only states that
The Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control has been in existence since 1935. In that year, the Utah State Legislature created the department by statute and charged it with the responsibility of conducting, licensing and regulating the sale of alcoholic beverages in a manner and at prices which reasonably satisfy the public demand and protect the public interest, including the rights of citizens who do not wish to be involved with alcoholic beverages. (UDABC, 1)
One must note that their sole purpose seem to be protecting people who do not wish to be "involved with alcoholic beverages." Involved? Since when do you date a drink?

The Swedish system and the Utah system seem to wish to justify their existence, however, by claiming that we're not the only governments that do this:

Utah's system of controlling the sale of alcoholic beverages is not as unique as most people believe. There are eighteen states and one county in Maryland which control the sale of alcoholic beverages at either the wholesale or retail level. These jurisdictions account for 28% of the nation's population. These states share a common purpose - to promote moderation in the consumption of alcoholic beverages and to discourage excess and abuse.
and to protect people who don't want to be involved with alcohol, no doubt.

The Swedish explanation is similar, sans the involvement issue:
The government monopoly in alcohol retailing is a Swedish innovation dating back to the mid-1800s. Similar monopolies also exist today in Norway, Finland, Iceland, Canada and several states in the USA.
In other words: We're not weird! We're not alone! All our boozing to blindness bretheren are with us on this! Now if we could only get those damn English to join in for real! Sure they have "off licenses" and pubs that must close at 11 pm--oh wait they abolished the closing law. Damn those English! Forget about the Scots and the Irish! That's pointless.

Obviously both entities field various complaints from citizens, thus requiring the we're not weirdos! argument. The pressure must be much more intense in the Scandinavian countries where alcoholism was on a par with and perhaps even worse than in the United States pre-prohibition:

STOCKHOLM, March 23: For decades, Sweden's liquor stores were few and far between and had the look of hospital pharmacies. They closed by 6 on weekdays and never opened on weekends. Choice was limited and prices high.

Bottles were displayed inside glass cases. Customers took numbers--and waited.

These measures were imposed to discourage the consumption of alcohol in a nation with a tradition of drinking to the point of drunkenness and a history of abuse going back to the miseries of 19th-century industrialization, when cheap liquor led to widespread abuse.

But piece by piece, Sweden is being forced to take apart its anti-alcohol policies because most violate the European Union's rules of fair competition. Some liquor stores are open late and on Saturdays. A few have been remade into cheerfully decorated self-service stores. And wine lovers can delight in a wide selection.

The tax on beer is down. The tax on wine is expected to follow, and some say that even the high taxes on hard liquor will go eventually. Even restrictions that do not have to go, like the high taxes, are being undermined by open borders.

Heading into the weekend, it is easy enough to find young Swedes in liquor stores who applaud these changes and say that their country is finally catching up with the rest of the world. But it is easy too to find Swedes who are deeply concerned over the changes and worried that the years of controlling consumption through state-owned monopolies and high taxes have not really cured this nation of bad drinking habits. (Alcohol in Sweden, 1-6)
Sweden has been forced, as of late, to loosen its liquor taxes (Being decidedly more independent than the neutral, but European Union member Sweden, however,
Norway has not chosen to follow suit, and this has caused a run across the Swedish border by Norwegians, much like the Evanston run for Utahniacs.)

You really did think all those Scandinavian countries were free-wielding frat parties, now didn't you? Ok, they are, but the existence of a state controlled liquor store show you the extent of the problem. How does that reflect on Utah? Hmm? Hmm? Hmm?

All state liquor control systems ignore the fact that the real reason people drink themselves to death has very little to do with availability of booze. It has more to do with desperation than anything. Desperation comes in 2 forms:
  1. Physical needs unfulfilled
  2. Emotional needs unfulfilled*

*Intellectual needs are emotional needs.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Who is promoting "Junk Science"

As you may be aware there is a lot of yammering on the anti-preservationist, burn-your-candle-at both-ends front that compact fluorescent (CFL) bulbs contain deadly amounts of mercury that will kill you dead if you just drop one on the floor. (Funny how smashing fluorescent tubes, which contain vastly more amounts of mercury and argon gas, was normal activity in disposing them from the giant corporate boxes that said anti-preservationists seem to favor. I know this because that's what I was told to do while working many years ago in one of those buildings as a general dog's body.)

In any case, I was drowsily watching How Its Made on the Discovery Chanel last night, and perked up when they stated, point blank while showing how incandescent bulbs were made, that the filaments were coated with mercury, and (I can't verify this) mercury and argon gas were pumped into the bulbs.

Now, I'm only conjecturing here, but it seems that incandescent bulbs need some sort of gas to interact with in their vacuum in order to glow bright. If it is just tungsten and electricity, all you get are those old-fashioned bulbs where the filament glowed a pretty orange and you don't get much light.

So, does anyone know if How Its Made is accurate? Do incandescent bulbs also contain mercury?

If they do, could someone put the "evil CFL bulb" meme to bed? Better yet, how about we ditch all those bulbs and develop super-affordable LED lights? Right now, LED bulbs are far too expensive to be a feasible replacement for an 19th century technology like the incandescent bulb. Then again, the LED light has a very long life-span. That does not bode well for manufacturers that enjoy rapid turn-over in product. Typically a cheap incandescent light is probably about 25 cents a bulb these days (excuse me if it is more, but I haven't bought one in ages.) A buck fifty every month, however, adds up over time. Especially when you have a sizable population buying them.

Utah Free Media :: Grassroots, Volunteer Broadcasting - Pinpoint SLC

This could get interesting: Utah Free Media :: Grassroots, Volunteer Broadcasting - Pinpoint SLC.

(Thanks to The Salt Blog for the tip.)

Just keeping the Internet's tubes warm for you


Monday, September 01, 2008

Fascinating fact #5: World's oldest colonizing plant

According to the Internet's tubes, Pando, a quaking aspen colony (or clone), lives right here in good old Utah near Fish Lake. Pando is estimated to be anywhere from 80,000 to 1,000,000 years old, depending on which scientist (q.v. citation 18 & 19) you believe (or in this case, which Wikipedia article you believe.) Pando is also probably the world's heaviest plant/organism, with a estimated weight of 6,615 tons. Pando was, therefore, commemorated by the US postal service (scroll down).

I need to go back down to Fish Lake to photograph the great Pando, I think.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Cat soap operas

I was playing this original of the "cat talking" video which I posted some time ago (remember? It was dubbed with funny) and the cat became very interested. He sat staring at the screen as I looped it over and over again, and at one point, hopped on the computer desk and looked behind the screen to see where the cats were. I'm sure it was quite baffling for him.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Emails I should have sent or I am going to get in so much trouble

[Post removed for health reasons.]

What the hell is the matter with nowadays?

Wow, I'd nearly forgotten that I made this:

At the time I made it, I was amused by the frustration that people exhibit over simple things. I guess I saw the wailing woman as a quaint expression of an inability to reconcile the complexity of the world with her own existence.

That pretty much summarizes how I feel now about certain aspects of my work life, that I refrain (on purpose) from connecting to here.

Still, the fun an games are sometimes forced to the economic reality of one's working life. I've purposefully refused to reconcile those myself, despite the fact that most of my readers are fellow workmates.

Can one have a work life and a life life? Tell me Internet's tube. Tell me.

Anyway, this piece pretty much sums up how I'm feeling about things these days, in an ironic way. It is not about general bitchiness, but how arbitrary decisions come about.




What the hell is the matter with people nowadays?

Get ready for a shitstorm, my collegial readers.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Broken Social Scene

Broken Social Scene
Originally uploaded by Theorris

I neglected to note that Broken Social Scene last week at the Gallivan Center in downtown SLC was by far the best concert of the year. I am still very impressed with the Canadian music scene.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Back to school, baby!

My Year Book Photo Contest--Is it Austin Powers Theorris?
Originally uploaded by Theorris

Hip, irreverent and so damn edgy!

By the way--I have that jacket. I'll be happy to don it any time you want.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Just wanting to hear myself bitch

It looks like the Wilco show tonight at Red Butte Gardens here in Slick City is the official end of summer show for me. School starts Wednesday and tomorrow is full of meetings.

Not to be a sourpuss, but this has not been much of a summer.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Heavy handed

People looking at art: Albert Bensard
Originally uploaded by Theorris

I was accosted later by a guard taking another picture of a man looking at the giant casting of the Rodin's Burgher's of Calais head and told I had to delete the picture. Funny that: the Utah Museum of Fine Arts (UMFA) is public property and Rodin is not under copyright. They also had nothing posted that stated no photography was allowed. I've been to many museums around the US and none seem to have a problem with cell phone pictures including puny institutions like the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York. The only issue that usually comes up (and it is clearly posted in most museums) is when a work's rights are still held by the artist, the artist's family, or some right's holding organization. The UMFA and/or the Cleveland Museum of Art (who owns this collection) is being pretty presumptuous about their rights to control images of works they do not own the rights to particularly in a government funded institution.


It all makes perfect sense when you see it this way: 26080732636761.jpg (JPEG Image, 1000x423 pixels)

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Live flickring: FrontRunner expedition--coincidence is a bitch

Live flickring: FrontRunner expedition--coincidence is a bitch
Originally uploaded by Theorris

Given that I experienced the full aural experience on my ride up to Ogden, I decided to crank up the old iPod. Strangely enough, the song that came up on shuffler was Eels' "Railroad Man." I listed to it 3 times over. You can't let such coincidence go uncelebrated or unnoticed.

Adios, Ogden!

Adios, Ogden!
Originally uploaded by Theorris

The conductor actually said "all aboard!" this time.

Live flickring: FrontRunner Expedition--Patio Night Pilsner

Live flickring: FrontRunner Expedition--Patio Night Pilsner
Originally uploaded by Theorris

Well I am back on the FrontRunner after a jaunt around 25th street and the Union Pacific Station taking pictures. The Station is still as cool as I remember it. I've never gone in the museums they have there. They are a tribute to all that made the west, really: railroad, cars, and guns. The railroad museum is a natural, but the car only seem to fit because of my previously mentioned theme.

I headed to Roosters (as USU Jason psychically commented in my flickr stream) and had lunch along with two pints of their Patio Night Pilsener (sic). It is a good summer beer, so I got a growler to bring back to the City. I suppose I could have got a cup and made it a fun train back to SLC, but I don't think UTA would approve.

Live flickring: FrontRunner Expedition--Rooster's

Live flickring: FrontRunner Expedition--Rooster's
Originally uploaded by Theorris

The hotter it has become out in the bright Ogden sun, the more this has become an expedition instead of an excursion.

Live flickring: FrontRunner Expedition--Horsesaurus Rex

Live flickring: FrontRunner Expedition--Horsesaurus Rex
Originally uploaded by Theorris

They have these things all around 25th Street in Ogden. This one is quite good, but the one with the Duke painted on the horse's ass is the best.

Live flickring: FrontRunner Expedition--Ogden Station

Live flickring: FrontRunner Expedition--Ogden Station
Originally uploaded by Theorris

Live flickring: FrontRunner Excursion--next stop Ogden Station

Live flickring: FrontRunner Excursion--next stop Ogden Station
Originally uploaded by Theorris

We've passed more southbound trains than I expected, given the 30 minute schedule of FrontRunner. So far it has been three.

In any case, the ride has been smooth an uneventful. If anything it is a little too comfortable in the car--and a little too cold. I suppose when these things are packed to the gills, however, the A/C comes in handy.

More later, as I have to pack up to unboard.

Live flickring: FrontRunner Excursion--Fellow travelers

Live flickring: FrontRunner Excursion--Fellow travelers
Originally uploaded by Theorris

As you can see the train car is quite empty. There was only one other guy on the upper level of the car when I got on--he gets regular calls on his cell phone and is prone to say "anywho." He won't force me to put on my headphones, however, as I want the whole experience to be not mediated by a soundtrack. (Well, on my way back to Slick City, I will probably listen to music.) Boarding at the Wood's Cross station was a mother and her teenager, and two LDS missionaries. A Union Pacific train kept up with us for a while outside of Farmington station. A flat bed featured a rather lurid depiction of a naked woman. The missionaries kept glancing at it and looking the other way.

As you can see, local newscaster Nadine Wimmer joined us. Her massive head seems perfect for TV. She will not, however, quit smiling.

Actually I used to work with Ms. Wimmer. She is actually a rather tiny woman.

Live flickring: FrontRunner Excursion--Nice Feature

Live flickring: FrontRunner Excursion--Nice Feature
Originally uploaded by Theorris

I didn't notice this right off, but the FrontRunner cars provide outlets along with free wifi access. Ah! What luxury! I no longer have to type with my brighness turned all the way down so as to preserve my wonky battery's life.

We're moving at quite a clip right now, just having left the Wood's Cross station. Traffic on I-15 northbound is at a standstill. I'm sorry for all you car-bound folks.

Just kidding. I'm really not.

Live blogging: UTA FrontRunner Excursion

Live flickring: UTA FrontRunner Excursion
Originally uploaded by Theorris

I have a few days off from work, so I decided to use one of my days on a photography excursion to Salt Lake's step sister to the north, Ogden via UTA's FrontRunner train. I took my normal bus/TRAX route downtown (via the University TRAX line) and arrived at the Salt Lake Intermodal Hub at 10 am sharp. Having been to the hub once before to take shots of the train, I knew approximately where the ticket stations were. The one I approached, however, seems to have become discombobulated, because it didn't react to my touch. I then ventured to another ticket station down the way where I proceeded to purchase my ticket. As I have a pass, I was pleased to find out that a round trip ticket was only 7 bucks. I suppose that is a discount as I thought the ticket to Ogden was 5 something each way. I was interrupted in the process of buying a ticket by a grandmother with grandkids in tow who asked me how to operate the ticket machine. "I have no idea," I said, and she quickly figured out that I too was a tourist. After retrieving my ticket, I chose the train car on nearest the train, and climbed the stairs to the upper deck. I chose an eastside seat so as to have a better photography perch of the cities and towns we shall pass. On the way back, I'll sit on the other side to get pictures of the Great Salt Lake.

We've just now pulled out. I was a bit disappointed that the conductor didn't shout "all aboard" as they still do on AMTRAK trains. Ah well.

So far we're going slow, and the FrontRunner rides like a 70's Cadillac: smooth and boat-like.

Monday, August 04, 2008

"Mom said I'd never get anywhere with these games"

I was reading the always-entertaining Salt Blog (put together by Salt Lake City Weekly staff) and came upon this gem that the blogger (Brandon Burt) was using to tie up a joke on a post about an old Outer Limits episode:

This is almost as good as the creepy video that runs regularly during Utah Jazz games with the bizzare computer graphics guy menacingly approaching the screen, and hopped-up personalities (such as in the Westwood commercial) touting the great career opportunities of sitting on your ass for hours on end designing video games that will allow other people to sit on their asses for even more hours on end. That commercial actually failed in its prime duty, however, since I cannot, for the life of me, remember the school's name. Thank the video gods for that.

Thursday, July 31, 2008


Since everybody seems to be into the wordle thing, here's a 300 word wordle of Moby Dick:

Avast ye!

I'm curious why "One" is so prevalent in Moby Dick. I mean, you expect "ye" and "thee" and even "Starbuck" but "One?" Note how small "God" is. Kind of tells you something about the tale of Ahab, eh?

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

"Its so damned hot! Milk was a bad choice!"

"Its so damned hot! Milk was a bad choice!"
Originally uploaded by Theorris

Although it is not the hottest day here in Slick City, it sure felt like it, since at my place of work the A/C has been turned off due to a disaster that requires asbestos ceiling tile abatement, and the fact that I had to run around like a fool all morning to make sure my little universe didn't collapse in on itself due to confusion and ineptitude. Go to Youtube and search for "Milk was a bad choice" to get Will Ferrel's take on it, since, adding to frustration, I can't get Youtube to post to Signifying nothing any more. You've all missed out on some classic Youtube finds over the weekend, I tell you what.

I'm cooled off 20 degrees by this photo, by the way. I hope it does the same for you, where ever you might be suffering insufferable heat.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Go Bees or the Third Base Coach is a Bum

I've been meaning to go to a Salt Lake Bees game for some time, but, apparently, the hottest day of the year was the day to go. Sitting out in the blazing sun right on the first base line wasn't that bad, although I'm feeling a bit sun-worn and lightheaded now. The Bees were doing fine until they changed pitchers. Adenhardt gave up a tripple (with many runners on) and a homer.

Still, they could have rallied. The third base coach made the worst call ever when he told the runner who was half-way to third to hold up when the outfielder was bobbling a very well-placed hit. It might have been an inside the park home run. Oy.

He's a bum, I tell you.

Bees lose.

JPG Magazine Submission

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Are you being served? or Anything You Can Do, We Can Do Better

I think we might have the next British sitcom that is going to take America by storm here:
YouTube - A[von & ]S[omerset]Police's Channel.

Basically, they are loony British 911(999) calls about wasp attacks, run-over pigeons, homeless squirrels and so forth. You're going to have to click on several of the "videos," I fear. It is a good pastime on a hot afternoon, I tell you what.

The 999 operators are quintessentially British sitcom straight men: both polite and condescending all rolled up into one. The callers show that what we witness on previously mentioned British sticoms is a clear and accurate picture of humanity, complete with wacky accents.

Certainly American dispatch centers can top this, given our propensity to fire arms, family violence, beer, and incredibly wacky (and possible destructive) accents.

Ricky Gervais, eat your heart out.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

I know you've been waiting for it...

The return of Dancing Brother Brigham!

This video actually made soon to be Canadian Melissa cry.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

When disaster happens

I'm so sorry
Leave it at that
Good bye

Will Self on bottled water

Will Self explores bottled water insanity in The low water-mark of Thatcherism:
Any doubts I ever had were resolved years ago: 1994 to be precise.

In San Francisco, I found myself sitting in the Prescott Hotel, gazing by chance at a mirror which had a bottle of still mineral water standing in front of it. It was the first time I realised what Evian spelled backwards

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Wilhelm Window Well Diorama #1: The Mummy's Revenge (The Ack-shawn!)

Wilhelm Window Well Diorama #1: The Mummy's Revenge (The Ack-shawn!)
Originally uploaded by Theorris

OK, there is a long story in this, but regular readers/viewers of signifyingnothing.com, may remember The Mummy's Revenge, a short movie of woe and intrigue starring Jesus, The Mummy, Billy Sand Creature, and Rancor Wilhelm. Basically The Mummy pissed off The Rancor, The Mummy prayed to Jesus to save him, and Billy Sand Creature was Jesus's second. There is a moving scene of Jesus carrying Billy, after he was slammed into death by The Rancor, before the final show down where Jesus, employing the full Heart of Jesus, puts a full salvation move on The Rancor complete with lightning bolts.

It was very sacrilegious and very offensive to both Christians and Star Wars faithful.

I might post it on YouTube someday.

This is a revival of the Wilhelm Window Well, that had gone to pot for a couple of years. It was revived by one hell of a hot Saturday and some free plants.

You can't wait for WWWD2, can you?


A handy tool indeed: Delocator.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Top Shelf Tequila Here I Come!

Arnica chamissonis
Originally uploaded by Theorris

I have been offered 400 pesos for this photograph of arnica chamissonis from a Mexican text book company. That is around $40 dollars U.S. since the dollar is officially in the crapper. (Did you know we are at parity with the Canadian dollar? Wow!) I am going to stimulate the Mexican economy and myself buy purchasing some top-shelf tequila.

Ok, ok...I know alcohol is technically a depressant, but writing "to stimulate the Mexican economy and to depress myself" just sounded sad and wrong.

Should I stimulate the economy even more?

Mr. Clock Radio Wakes Up the Horror.

Should I or shouldn't I? You decide.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Saturday, July 12, 2008

How I'm stimulating the economy

Given that I finally received my "Economic Stimulus" payment (it says that right on the fancy Statue of Liberty emblazoned gubmint check), I have decided to spend it egregiously on items that I can no doubt live with out, but want, rather than using it for, oh, buying 150 gallons of gasoline. Given that I don't currently own a car, finding a place to put the gasoline seemed like too much work. Buying a new car seems like more work, and just about as exciting as root canal. With that, instead of suffering because of high fuel prices, I get to stimulate the economy in my own weird way.

Item 1: Official Utah Jazz away jersey with "Theorris" imprinted on the back. I chose the number 83 since that was my high school football number. I shall wear it disc golfing today.
Item 2: 3 new books, hardbound and all first editions. The Ten Most Beautiful Experiments by George Johnson. When You Are Engulfed in Flames by David Sedaris. The Butt by Will Self. (I must note that Self's book is actually stimulating the British economy as I bought it from Amazon.uk, since the book is not out in the U.S. yet.) Now I'm a book buyer, that's for damn sure, but I rarely go to the extravagance of buying 3 hardbound books at once, especially one that I only bought out of impulse--the George Johnson book.
Item 3: JPG Magazine. I never buy magazines unless I'm on a long flight. I have been eying this magazine for some time, however, since it publishes amateur photographers (who are actually quite good.)
Item 4: La Crosse technology Weather Pro Center. Only a few before this purchase knew about my fascination with weather instruments.
Item 5: A pair of fancy Vasque hiking boots on sale at REI. Now that's extravagance.

I think I'll buy some expensive booze with what is left of the money.

So for once I get to live like the rich. Throwing my not-hard-earned money around like its going out of style.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Hot Hot Summer Hits

Speaking of Hightouchmegastore, last week she posted a play list (with appropriate commentary) of songs that seemed to fit June. Not to be out done, I've decided to go one better by posting a list (with appropriate commentary) of entire albums that represent the entire blazzing-hot summer. With that, there are three rules:
  1. it must currently reside on my computer (who the hell actually listens to CDs any more?)
  2. somewhere in the album the word "summer" must appear--either in a title of a song, or in the album title itself
  3. I must have good reason for recommending this particular album to you (that is no namby-pamby "I like it" sort of explanations, and I will provide links to my Lastfm thing, so you may listen to selections, if they are available.
With that here's 5 albums for you to find for your summer pleasure:

The Four Corners, Say You're a Scream
It really is too bad that I can find no samples of Say You're a Scream. They are available on iTunes, ahem, if you are that kind of person. In any case, this album, complete with its garage-core earthiness, both represents the grittiness and the dreaminess of summer. Interspersed with hard-jamming rock tracks, you have songs that make you just want to float on a river and let the heat just slide right by you. Too bad the band went defunct back in the early 2000's. They only put out this one big album. It is a honking big one, complete with 15 songs for your summertime pleasure. Check out "Summer's Time" for a nice blend of the hard rocking and dreamy summeriness I mentioned earlier. I guess you can't go far wrong with a girl singer in the summertime. There is something Laika or My Bloody Valentine about this band but they don't quite have the wall of sound that both those bands had. Hmm. (Aha! Some scandalously accurate teens have listed them as "The Four Corners" and uploaded tracks. Go listen.)

Blonde Redhead, 23
While Blonde Redhead is generally a fall-kind-of-band, 23 has a decidedly upbeat feel to it, with plenty of summery vocals from yet another woman singer, Kazu Makino. The band's winding melodies drive like a 77 Camaro through a hot summer night. This is definitely night-time summer music, but summer music it is. Deep, dark water comes to mind. Again, there are no links available to the songs on 23 available to me, but I'm sure if you peck around you'll find a video or something.

Art Brut, It's a Bit Complicated
The sheer oddity and rocking good time of Art Brut makes them a fine, fine summer band. Art Brut is fun. Summer is fun. You should be having fun. Sadly, you won't be able to listen to It's a Bit Complicated because it is not available me to play. Find some, however, because you'll be impressed with the singer's delivery. (I think we've talked about that here before.) Hit! Hit! Direct hit! Art Bruts are you read?! Hold the presses! A video of Direct Hit is available! The I, Claudius theme seems appropriate to summer too. What's more summer than Italy? Rome? Intrigue?

Decemberists, The Crane Wife
Now some might argue that this album is not a summer album at all, but one better suited for the heart of deep winter. With a song, however, like "The Pefect Crime" and "Summersong" such a critic would be drastically disproved. "The Perfect Crime" is folk club music, complete with disco beat. You can just see the sweat dripping down the disco dancers backs. Go figure that a band that is known for it literary lyrics would create such a nice cross-over song. It is regretful that you will not be able to sample it, as it is not available to me to provide you. "Summersong," is much more like the sea shanties that one expects from the Decemberists, complete with accordion. There needs to be more rock music with accordions. Fuck the cowbell, go accordion. Ah well, I, again, have no sample to give you, but I can give you a nice lyric: "Summer goes away and quietly, gets swallowed by a whale." Peppery skin. Nice.

Pogues, Streams of Whiskey
This must be the most appropriate title for an album ever. This is a live recording of the Pogues and is an absolute train wreck both because of a crappy recording and because Shane MacGowan and everyone else is completely, flat-out shit-faced. Now that's summer! Woo hoo! Here is a slightly less inebriated version of "Summer in Siam." And as a side note: you know you have a drinking problem when you are thrown out of an Irish Celtic-folk-fushion-punk band because you drink too much (MacGowan).

There you go! 5 summertime albums for your summery enjoyment.

Crack open a beer and get to listening.

Listening to: Yo La Tengo - Don't Have To Be Sad
via FoxyTunes

And now for the latest in Hightouchmegastore & Dr. Write news

Congratulations are in order for Hightouch who received Salt Lake City Mayor's Artist Award for Literary Arts last Friday at the Utah Arts Festival. I was unable to attend the ceremony because of pressing camping and disc golf needs. I did, however, apologize to Hightouch and promissed that I would crow about it here. I'm looking forward to reading the outcome of that 500 pages worth of poetry you printed out the other day.

Congratulations also go out to Dr. Write, as well, who had a reading that I was also unable to attend due to the same pressing camping and disc golf needs on Friday. I did see Dr. Write on Thrusday night at the Arts Festival. We discussed the possibility of a disc golf outing, that will no doubt be documented at Disc-a-rama, just like last week's outing. The good Dr. also ran the insane Wasatch Back race the previous weekend.

Monday, June 30, 2008

Avoid a fist-fight with this guy or the people you meet in the back of the bus

Avoid a fist-fight with this guy or the people you meet in the back of the bus
Originally uploaded by Theorris

I was on the bus this morning, and sat in the back, as is my wont, across from "Walt" (so said his name badge.) Walt was asleep. He had one be-ringed hand gripped firmly on the side-ways seat back (pictured) and the other on his knee. He's a big guy in honest-to-god overalls, a plant manager (q.v. the name badge) and likes to wear lots of wizardly icons, both those pictured and those not. I assume he must be at least a level 57 wizard in D&D, and maybe some other level in Myst, if I knew what Myst was.

I would have liked to talk to Walt to find out what was really up with all the wizardly bling, but he slept the entire way to my stop, so I didn't have a chance to talk to him. His shaved head and quasi-wizard goatee no doubt would put some people off.