Thursday, July 31, 2008


Since everybody seems to be into the wordle thing, here's a 300 word wordle of Moby Dick:

Avast ye!

I'm curious why "One" is so prevalent in Moby Dick. I mean, you expect "ye" and "thee" and even "Starbuck" but "One?" Note how small "God" is. Kind of tells you something about the tale of Ahab, eh?

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

"Its so damned hot! Milk was a bad choice!"

"Its so damned hot! Milk was a bad choice!"
Originally uploaded by Theorris

Although it is not the hottest day here in Slick City, it sure felt like it, since at my place of work the A/C has been turned off due to a disaster that requires asbestos ceiling tile abatement, and the fact that I had to run around like a fool all morning to make sure my little universe didn't collapse in on itself due to confusion and ineptitude. Go to Youtube and search for "Milk was a bad choice" to get Will Ferrel's take on it, since, adding to frustration, I can't get Youtube to post to Signifying nothing any more. You've all missed out on some classic Youtube finds over the weekend, I tell you what.

I'm cooled off 20 degrees by this photo, by the way. I hope it does the same for you, where ever you might be suffering insufferable heat.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Go Bees or the Third Base Coach is a Bum

I've been meaning to go to a Salt Lake Bees game for some time, but, apparently, the hottest day of the year was the day to go. Sitting out in the blazing sun right on the first base line wasn't that bad, although I'm feeling a bit sun-worn and lightheaded now. The Bees were doing fine until they changed pitchers. Adenhardt gave up a tripple (with many runners on) and a homer.

Still, they could have rallied. The third base coach made the worst call ever when he told the runner who was half-way to third to hold up when the outfielder was bobbling a very well-placed hit. It might have been an inside the park home run. Oy.

He's a bum, I tell you.

Bees lose.

JPG Magazine Submission

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Are you being served? or Anything You Can Do, We Can Do Better

I think we might have the next British sitcom that is going to take America by storm here:
YouTube - A[von & ]S[omerset]Police's Channel.

Basically, they are loony British 911(999) calls about wasp attacks, run-over pigeons, homeless squirrels and so forth. You're going to have to click on several of the "videos," I fear. It is a good pastime on a hot afternoon, I tell you what.

The 999 operators are quintessentially British sitcom straight men: both polite and condescending all rolled up into one. The callers show that what we witness on previously mentioned British sticoms is a clear and accurate picture of humanity, complete with wacky accents.

Certainly American dispatch centers can top this, given our propensity to fire arms, family violence, beer, and incredibly wacky (and possible destructive) accents.

Ricky Gervais, eat your heart out.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

I know you've been waiting for it...

The return of Dancing Brother Brigham!

This video actually made soon to be Canadian Melissa cry.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

When disaster happens

I'm so sorry
Leave it at that
Good bye

Will Self on bottled water

Will Self explores bottled water insanity in The low water-mark of Thatcherism:
Any doubts I ever had were resolved years ago: 1994 to be precise.

In San Francisco, I found myself sitting in the Prescott Hotel, gazing by chance at a mirror which had a bottle of still mineral water standing in front of it. It was the first time I realised what Evian spelled backwards

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Wilhelm Window Well Diorama #1: The Mummy's Revenge (The Ack-shawn!)

Wilhelm Window Well Diorama #1: The Mummy's Revenge (The Ack-shawn!)
Originally uploaded by Theorris

OK, there is a long story in this, but regular readers/viewers of, may remember The Mummy's Revenge, a short movie of woe and intrigue starring Jesus, The Mummy, Billy Sand Creature, and Rancor Wilhelm. Basically The Mummy pissed off The Rancor, The Mummy prayed to Jesus to save him, and Billy Sand Creature was Jesus's second. There is a moving scene of Jesus carrying Billy, after he was slammed into death by The Rancor, before the final show down where Jesus, employing the full Heart of Jesus, puts a full salvation move on The Rancor complete with lightning bolts.

It was very sacrilegious and very offensive to both Christians and Star Wars faithful.

I might post it on YouTube someday.

This is a revival of the Wilhelm Window Well, that had gone to pot for a couple of years. It was revived by one hell of a hot Saturday and some free plants.

You can't wait for WWWD2, can you?


A handy tool indeed: Delocator.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Top Shelf Tequila Here I Come!

Arnica chamissonis
Originally uploaded by Theorris

I have been offered 400 pesos for this photograph of arnica chamissonis from a Mexican text book company. That is around $40 dollars U.S. since the dollar is officially in the crapper. (Did you know we are at parity with the Canadian dollar? Wow!) I am going to stimulate the Mexican economy and myself buy purchasing some top-shelf tequila.

Ok, ok...I know alcohol is technically a depressant, but writing "to stimulate the Mexican economy and to depress myself" just sounded sad and wrong.

Should I stimulate the economy even more?

Mr. Clock Radio Wakes Up the Horror.

Should I or shouldn't I? You decide.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Saturday, July 12, 2008

How I'm stimulating the economy

Given that I finally received my "Economic Stimulus" payment (it says that right on the fancy Statue of Liberty emblazoned gubmint check), I have decided to spend it egregiously on items that I can no doubt live with out, but want, rather than using it for, oh, buying 150 gallons of gasoline. Given that I don't currently own a car, finding a place to put the gasoline seemed like too much work. Buying a new car seems like more work, and just about as exciting as root canal. With that, instead of suffering because of high fuel prices, I get to stimulate the economy in my own weird way.

Item 1: Official Utah Jazz away jersey with "Theorris" imprinted on the back. I chose the number 83 since that was my high school football number. I shall wear it disc golfing today.
Item 2: 3 new books, hardbound and all first editions. The Ten Most Beautiful Experiments by George Johnson. When You Are Engulfed in Flames by David Sedaris. The Butt by Will Self. (I must note that Self's book is actually stimulating the British economy as I bought it from, since the book is not out in the U.S. yet.) Now I'm a book buyer, that's for damn sure, but I rarely go to the extravagance of buying 3 hardbound books at once, especially one that I only bought out of impulse--the George Johnson book.
Item 3: JPG Magazine. I never buy magazines unless I'm on a long flight. I have been eying this magazine for some time, however, since it publishes amateur photographers (who are actually quite good.)
Item 4: La Crosse technology Weather Pro Center. Only a few before this purchase knew about my fascination with weather instruments.
Item 5: A pair of fancy Vasque hiking boots on sale at REI. Now that's extravagance.

I think I'll buy some expensive booze with what is left of the money.

So for once I get to live like the rich. Throwing my not-hard-earned money around like its going out of style.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Hot Hot Summer Hits

Speaking of Hightouchmegastore, last week she posted a play list (with appropriate commentary) of songs that seemed to fit June. Not to be out done, I've decided to go one better by posting a list (with appropriate commentary) of entire albums that represent the entire blazzing-hot summer. With that, there are three rules:
  1. it must currently reside on my computer (who the hell actually listens to CDs any more?)
  2. somewhere in the album the word "summer" must appear--either in a title of a song, or in the album title itself
  3. I must have good reason for recommending this particular album to you (that is no namby-pamby "I like it" sort of explanations, and I will provide links to my Lastfm thing, so you may listen to selections, if they are available.
With that here's 5 albums for you to find for your summer pleasure:

The Four Corners, Say You're a Scream
It really is too bad that I can find no samples of Say You're a Scream. They are available on iTunes, ahem, if you are that kind of person. In any case, this album, complete with its garage-core earthiness, both represents the grittiness and the dreaminess of summer. Interspersed with hard-jamming rock tracks, you have songs that make you just want to float on a river and let the heat just slide right by you. Too bad the band went defunct back in the early 2000's. They only put out this one big album. It is a honking big one, complete with 15 songs for your summertime pleasure. Check out "Summer's Time" for a nice blend of the hard rocking and dreamy summeriness I mentioned earlier. I guess you can't go far wrong with a girl singer in the summertime. There is something Laika or My Bloody Valentine about this band but they don't quite have the wall of sound that both those bands had. Hmm. (Aha! Some scandalously accurate teens have listed them as "The Four Corners" and uploaded tracks. Go listen.)

Blonde Redhead, 23
While Blonde Redhead is generally a fall-kind-of-band, 23 has a decidedly upbeat feel to it, with plenty of summery vocals from yet another woman singer, Kazu Makino. The band's winding melodies drive like a 77 Camaro through a hot summer night. This is definitely night-time summer music, but summer music it is. Deep, dark water comes to mind. Again, there are no links available to the songs on 23 available to me, but I'm sure if you peck around you'll find a video or something.

Art Brut, It's a Bit Complicated
The sheer oddity and rocking good time of Art Brut makes them a fine, fine summer band. Art Brut is fun. Summer is fun. You should be having fun. Sadly, you won't be able to listen to It's a Bit Complicated because it is not available me to play. Find some, however, because you'll be impressed with the singer's delivery. (I think we've talked about that here before.) Hit! Hit! Direct hit! Art Bruts are you read?! Hold the presses! A video of Direct Hit is available! The I, Claudius theme seems appropriate to summer too. What's more summer than Italy? Rome? Intrigue?

Decemberists, The Crane Wife
Now some might argue that this album is not a summer album at all, but one better suited for the heart of deep winter. With a song, however, like "The Pefect Crime" and "Summersong" such a critic would be drastically disproved. "The Perfect Crime" is folk club music, complete with disco beat. You can just see the sweat dripping down the disco dancers backs. Go figure that a band that is known for it literary lyrics would create such a nice cross-over song. It is regretful that you will not be able to sample it, as it is not available to me to provide you. "Summersong," is much more like the sea shanties that one expects from the Decemberists, complete with accordion. There needs to be more rock music with accordions. Fuck the cowbell, go accordion. Ah well, I, again, have no sample to give you, but I can give you a nice lyric: "Summer goes away and quietly, gets swallowed by a whale." Peppery skin. Nice.

Pogues, Streams of Whiskey
This must be the most appropriate title for an album ever. This is a live recording of the Pogues and is an absolute train wreck both because of a crappy recording and because Shane MacGowan and everyone else is completely, flat-out shit-faced. Now that's summer! Woo hoo! Here is a slightly less inebriated version of "Summer in Siam." And as a side note: you know you have a drinking problem when you are thrown out of an Irish Celtic-folk-fushion-punk band because you drink too much (MacGowan).

There you go! 5 summertime albums for your summery enjoyment.

Crack open a beer and get to listening.

Listening to: Yo La Tengo - Don't Have To Be Sad
via FoxyTunes

And now for the latest in Hightouchmegastore & Dr. Write news

Congratulations are in order for Hightouch who received Salt Lake City Mayor's Artist Award for Literary Arts last Friday at the Utah Arts Festival. I was unable to attend the ceremony because of pressing camping and disc golf needs. I did, however, apologize to Hightouch and promissed that I would crow about it here. I'm looking forward to reading the outcome of that 500 pages worth of poetry you printed out the other day.

Congratulations also go out to Dr. Write, as well, who had a reading that I was also unable to attend due to the same pressing camping and disc golf needs on Friday. I did see Dr. Write on Thrusday night at the Arts Festival. We discussed the possibility of a disc golf outing, that will no doubt be documented at Disc-a-rama, just like last week's outing. The good Dr. also ran the insane Wasatch Back race the previous weekend.