Sunday, April 30, 2006
As Hot Rod Hundley used to say after a particularly bad call that regularly happen agains "non-star" teams in the NBA: "NBA officiating at its finest. You gotta love it, baby!"
Friday, April 28, 2006
Thursday, April 27, 2006
I wrote a poem called 20 class A Cigrarettes and now I can't find it or This is how I relieve Stress
1) Threatening Wookie
Finding things that would piss off a wookie (you know like mouthy & effete droids who think they can play chess).
2) The Unecessary Lightness of Being
Exploring the works of Milan Kundera and Jimmy Hoffa.
3) Simply Read
The classics in 30 seconds with an 80's soundtrack.
4) Mr. Hammerschmidt Visits San Antonio
A travelogue about fast food, loose women, and moral rectitude.
A list of some of my favorite words in context.
Can you tell I'm tired, worn-out, stressed, and overwraught?
Overwraught: that's word #2 on the Insipid blog, I think.
Did I ever tell you that as a kid I would fantasize about living in remote regions of the world?
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Actually my videos are far, far worse than most posted on the site and splideo has been around for a while. The kind folks there wade through hours of the worst of Google Video to bring you the top of the worst. I was quite happy, however, to find the site and fritter away my early morning after a 5 am Saturday morning wake up (don't ask) viewing their selections. I think my favorites listed on the site so far are "Huge Japanese Orange" and "Kids with Guns." HJO is my kind of film: well-meaing but completely pointless. KWG is just plain messed up. I want to make use of it in my next feature.
Shouldn't there be a film festival for all us absolutely wretched amateur videographers out there? Just imagine: ham acting workshops and seminars on "how to really fuck up your poorly conceived idea." M. Night Shyamalan could lead them all.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Saturday, April 15, 2006
I think for the first time ever City Weekly gave out a blogging "best of" award, to a blog I've been reading off and on now for a while: slcspin.
The editors of City Weekly, however, were completely remiss in honoring any of my friend's or acquaintance's blogs, so I thought I would bring you the first-annual (and most like only) THEORRIS'S FANTASTICO, EXTRA-SPECIALURIFIC, BEST OF UTAH BLOGANITES:
Best Bowling Blog that features Utahnians BowlingThere your have it, folks! Awards of Mai Tai's will be presented at the Tiki Side-yard Beach Party, if that ever happens.
The Bowling Syndicate
Best Blog About A Person We All Wish Did Not Reside in Utah
Best Utah Blog Written in California with nothing to do with Utah
Sleepy E's Front Porch
Best Mediocre Utah Blog that Can Open Museum Doors in a Single Bound
Best Hip Utah Blog
Best Blog by a Former Utah Resident (Utah? Where the Hell's Utah Division)
Spring Means Inbetween
Best Blog by a Former Utah Resident (Waygook Division)
No Name for a Blog
Best Use of Elipses
Tales of Wit and Charm...
Best Utah Blog-Burnout
Best Exploration of Clothes Shopping, Expensive Lemon Purchasing and Dog Walking
High Touch Megastore
Best Unexpected Profanity in a Blog
Best Utah Blog that Displays Open Contempt for Arn and Rocky
Best Pussy (Animal Division)
Best Bloginacious Artistic Concept
Best Utah American Idol Blog that Only Obliquely Mentions American Idol
Best Utah Blog that Gives Out Pointless Awards, has Obscure Shakespearean References in Every Single Post, is Full of Sound and Fury, is Told by and Idiot, and Signifies Nothing
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
deseretnews.com | Stewart booked? Oops: "They had actually scheduled Jon Alan Stewart, a former motivational speaker, businessman and part-time professional wrestler from Chicago.
School officials are calling it an 'unfortunate chain of misunderstandings.' And even through months of discussion they had no indication that he was not Jon Stewart of 'The Daily Show.'"
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
So E, how many degrees of separation are you from Kevin Bacon?
Monday, April 10, 2006
Originally uploaded by Theorris.
This was at the City Weekly Best of Utah show last week. They rocked. I only made a partial fool of myself. Just partial. I swear.
I met a nice new FFOtS (Female Friend on the Scene), however, sorta, maybe, you never know, whatever, what the hell (see Sleepy E's Front Porch to find out what FFOtS means.) We'll see how it goes. So far it is just awkward phone conversations. I don't have high hopes.
Friday, April 07, 2006
So there you have it: a nice ending to a terrible sequence of murder and governmental scuzziness. Luckilly, my dream trilogy did not end with an Ewok hoedown.
eee chop yub nub
ah toe meet toe pee-chee keene
g'noop dock fling oh ah
eee chop yah wah
ah toe meet toe pee-chee keene
g'noop dock fling oh ah
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Imagine my disappointment and diminishing self-worth when upon listening to the morning news I was reminded that daylight savings time had gone into force.
Saturday, April 01, 2006
10) Cherry Pie--Warrant
9) You Light Up My Life--Debbie (was it Debbie?) Boone
8) Pour Some Sugar on Me--Def Leppard
7) Sweet Home Alabama--Lynyrd Skynyrd
6) Lookin' Out My Back Door--Creedence Clearwater Revival
5) Top of the World--The Carpenters
4) In Cars--Gary Numan
3) Sunglasses at Night--Corey Hart
2) Look Away--Chicago
1) Never Gonna Give You Up--Rick Astley
Will no one rid me of these troublesome tunes?