Saturday, April 15, 2006

Best of Utah

As I mentioned in a sideways manner a few days ago, last Friday I attended Salt Lake City Weekly's Best of Utah party last week at the Velvet Room in wonderful downtown SLC, where I witnessed another great Rotten Musicians show, was rude to the new boyfriend of my former girlfriend's sister, and almost made a fool of myself with the afore-mentioned new female friend on the scene whom I have now ceased calling simply because of incompatibilities detected via telephonic device.

I think for the first time ever City Weekly gave out a blogging "best of" award, to a blog I've been reading off and on now for a while: slcspin.

The editors of City Weekly, however, were completely remiss in honoring any of my friend's or acquaintance's blogs, so I thought I would bring you the first-annual (and most like only) THEORRIS'S FANTASTICO, EXTRA-SPECIALURIFIC, BEST OF UTAH BLOGANITES:

Best Bowling Blog that features Utahnians Bowling
The Bowling Syndicate

Best Blog About A Person We All Wish Did Not Reside in Utah

Best Utah Blog Written in California with nothing to do with Utah
Sleepy E's Front Porch

Best Mediocre Utah Blog that Can Open Museum Doors in a Single Bound

Best Hip Utah Blog
Assertively Unhip

Best Blog by a Former Utah Resident (Utah? Where the Hell's Utah Division)
Spring Means Inbetween

Best Blog by a Former Utah Resident (Waygook Division)
No Name for a Blog

Best Use of Elipses
Tales of Wit and Charm...

Best Utah Blog-Burnout
Suspend Disbelief

Best Exploration of Clothes Shopping, Expensive Lemon Purchasing and Dog Walking
High Touch Megastore

Best Unexpected Profanity in a Blog

Best Utah Blog that Displays Open Contempt for Arn and Rocky

Best Pussy (Animal Division)
Melon grab

Best Bloginacious Artistic Concept
Snyder Cider

Best Utah American Idol Blog that Only Obliquely Mentions American Idol
Dr. Write

Best Utah Blog that Gives Out Pointless Awards, has Obscure Shakespearean References in Every Single Post, is Full of Sound and Fury, is Told by and Idiot, and Signifies Nothing
Signifying nothing

There your have it, folks! Awards of Mai Tai's will be presented at the Tiki Side-yard Beach Party, if that ever happens.


  1. I am honored beyond belief. Life is now complete. I love the new look of the blog.

  2. The new look was somewhat startling. I'm still adjusting.

  3. I would like to thank the Academy of Signifying Nothing for this honor, and also my family, and also my dog. Also, I would like to thank my own shoes, without which I would be nothing.


  4. Does that mean NAT-HAN and I are in competition...?

  5. No. There are different divisions to that award.

  6. I am the king of the world. No, really.

  7. I'm slow on the draw but I have to say that's the best fucking blog awards list I've every seen.