Signifying nothing

The following link is not a recording, but I suppose this blog's mission could be expanded to discuss all aspects of sound pollution and natural soundscapes: Western Soundscapes Archive .

Editor's note:  this entry was originally published by Snyder on a now defunct "Silence Project" blog.  I post it here for archival purposes. Here are two failed attempts. Bah, car ruined it. Bah, Birds. It is hard to escape noise. So I gave up for today, I'll try again later. ... As long as I've given up for the day, here is some of tonight's rain. That is all.

Diptych of Spring: One Can Only Hope Originally uploaded by Theorris

Diptych of Spring: It is easy to forget Originally uploaded by Theorris

Think you know silence? Come prove it at The Silence Project !

I was listening to a Sierra Club podcast today on a very noisy bus about One Square Inch of Silence . It is about a man's quest to preserve non-manmade noise from one square inch of the Olympic National Park in Washington state (U.S.A.) The podcast made me consider how noisy the world is. The mission, therefore, of this blog, is to present audio files of what we think is silence. Perhaps we may find some. Perhaps it is impossible. I don't know. If you want to join, email me at gardnecl@gmail.com. Put "The Silence Project" in the subject line of your email. You'll have to have a blogger.com account. The rules are simple: record less than 20 seconds of what you think is silence, post it to whatever file service you choose (I suggest the Internet Archive ), and sit back and enjoy the silence. In any case, here is my first prototype for The Silence Project:

Remember the magic of getting a new Yellow Pages ? I recall as a kid when this device of great potential would show up on our door step. Nearly as good as a new J.C. Penney catalog for fantasizing about exotic (but of course very mundane things), the new Yellow Pages offered insight into the stores and services in exotic parts of Salt Lake City that our family never or rarely ventured to. After perusing the book for hours, I would ask my mother if we could visit a certain toy store, for example, usually to be shot down with "there's no reason to drive all the way over there!" We'd then end up at K-Mart, and as everyone knows there is precious-little magic in K-Mart (aside from the blue light, that is.) There was only one time when my cajoling my mother to go to a toy store found in the Yellow Pages actually worked, and that was for a store that used to be in Salt Lake's Trolley Square. I'm not sure why my mother agreed to go--perhaps she just wanted t...

Ineffable Originally uploaded by Theorris It seems to be about circles lately.

Dear Mayor, Signifying nothing can indeed help you with your problem of marauding banditos terrorizing your once-idyllic village! Believe it or not, it is rather common for villages and small towns all over the Old West to be regularly raided by bands of ne'er-do-wells and ruffians. They regularly rob banks, start saloon fights, gun down unsuspecting and innocent farmers, and dare to impinge upon the sacred honor of womenfolk. Rest assured, my dear Mayor, the experts from Hollywood, California have long been working on this problem and have come up with a solution! Mr. Mayor, your only salvation is to go out and find a lone gunman, who, while seeming to be despondent and angry on the outside, is willing to take on the bad guys preferably in a single-minded showdown where he will expertly pick every single one of them off until he gets to the leader who will die a suitable and often ironic death. This lone gunman must necessarily have his wife and small children killed off by ...

This is City Living Originally uploaded by Douglas Roesch Flickr contact Douglas Roesch indicates that Pittsburgh is being overrun by turkeys. I can find no relevant news stories by googling "pittsburgh turkey invasion" but apparently Pittsburgh has an annual Turkey Trot sponsored by the YMCA. I doubt this is the type of trot they are referring to. I recall a few years back we had the year of the raccoon in SLC. The blackeyed critters were everywhere. This year may be the year of the Mormon Cricket, given the wet spring weather we are experiencing, and that wee beasties proclivity to procreate under such conditions. An invasion of cougars would be cool, but I fear too many of the concealed weapon carries of Utah would take vengeance on the big cats.

Awesome ! Robert Barclay Allardice . Family lore suggests that my ancestors had similar ambitions as Laird Barclay. Perhaps, these feats of strength and endurance are or were just a Scottish thing. My illustrious Scots ancestor had many reputed hikes and walks and jumping over broomsticks. I can still jump a broomstick at 3 feet standing still (as could he of polygamous fame) and can hike mountains. Scotland! We are a hearty people. I guess it makes sense. Fascinating fact #8: "Pedestrian" used to just mean a racer who was on foot, as "equestrian" was a racer who raced on horseback. Fascinating! While I was on the bus and reading about Captain Barclay in The Lost Art of Walking by Geoff Nicholson, I had a brief fantasy of just taking off on foot for a vacation and see where I ended up. Could be fun. It fits my heritage. Perhaps I will jump over a broomstick or two on my way.

What did Jesus do The day after Easter? I mean the Gospels Aren't so clear on that Subject After a busy weekend of Dying an excruciating Death: scourged, crucified, Stabbed in the side for Blood and water to fall To mother Earth And give salvation to Mankind (all that on Friday, mind you) Then, according to Catholic magesterium, Harrowing Hell of all The righteous prior to His ministry on Earth All day Saturday (The reception line on That one must have taken Most of the afternoon) Then rising in A flash, leaving only The imprint of His Humanity on a disputed Shroud What did Jesus do That fine Monday morning? I prefer to think He took a vacation In Tahiti or Samoa Lounging on the beach Not worrying about A single thing But loving and living Life eternal and blessing All the little sea Birds that flitted By his beach chair. Becoming God Almighty, Afterall, is no easy Task. He deserved Some time off.

We are lucky they employ us at all In our eccentric clothes And disheveled hair "What do you have to offer?" They ask with slavering lips Mindful of the last bit of beef They ate, now stuck in their Teeth "What do you have to offer?" "Uncommon sense and a liking For clouds that rim blueberry Against a cold sky." A stupid answer but it seems to Impress. In the meantime they find a Toothpick.

Dear caller, Signifying nothing can indeed help you with your problem of having no problems! Believe it or not, it is rather common for people not to have problems. Many people lead perfectly ordinary (if not somewhat boring) lives one hundred percent problem free! As you can imagine, this situation is quite problematic. Researchers are committed to solving the problem of problem-free lives. They currently are testing rats to maximize their failure rate at finding tasty bits of cheese in mazes with the eventual hope of extrapolating their findings to human beings, given that we all know that cheese is the most problem-free food. The government has for many decades now taken the lead in finding ways to distribute problems equally amongst the populace. With the recent change in the federal administration, however, the direction of those efforts has changed significantly. Take heart, caller, you are not the only one with no problems. Support groups for the problemless can easily ...

Having a problem? Signifying nothing will help you out!* SigNo now has a help line-- call 206-888-4379 and leave a message. You can even FAX an item, if that is your druthers. Another fine service brought to you by Signifying nothing. Who says I don't do anything for you? *Answers will be posted on signifyingnothing.com whenever I get around to it. All submissions are subject to being posted here. Beware. Be very aware.

163/365: another fancy hotel lobby Originally uploaded by Theorris

This song interferes with their Ability to love Wait a minute, that's not how It is supposed to be Songs are supposed to seduce Songs are supposed to kiss You know the song of songs? Are you the hart or are you the doe? Do you kiss with the kisses of Your mouth? It takes a minute to recover from that A soul ticking minute.

It is a contest: guess what this map of consumption is defining.

Each night we baptize Spoons and cups and dishes Washing them clean of filth Readying them for another day Of sin

How does it feel when your heart grows cold? Originally uploaded by Theorris

A truck lies by the road Like a wounded deer Slammed by an automobile Into next week. It is the wind, however The wind with a certain Gift of force lifted twelve Tons of steel off the road And slammed it hard Into the unforgiving berm Suddenly it is next week For the hospitalized driver And he, unlike a deer, Survived.

And the whistle here-- A time out and a foul We wait We wait awash in choice And value and five lunch items Live healthy, we're told And if your current choice of Energy drink is not enough Move on to cosmetics Products created free of Known carcinogens Or perhaps another steak? Come on, one more! Live healthy

It used to be that parents would Pop children out of the oven Like sweet smelling bread Salty and full of goodness Nowadays, they bury them Deep underground Fermenting them into Bright and sparkling Jewels

Number of sport coats packed and worn on my six day trip to San Francisco: 2. Number of overcoats worn (but brought) on my six day trip to San Francisco: 0. (The weather was perfectly clear except the morning I left, when there was intermittent rain.) Number of shoes packed for my six day trip to San Francisco (for Dr. Write): 2 pair. A pair for fancy loafers and my new Adidas regular wear trainers. Number of shirts spilled on during my six day trip to San Francisco: 2. Do I know myself or what? Number of spilled-on shirts worn despite soilage: 1. Meh. It was night. Number of pairs of socks left over: 2. Hmm. Number of slacks not worn: 2. Go green! Number of ties worn: 2. Perfect planning. "Outfit" that got the best reception: light blue shirt, khaki pants, and 60's whacky black coat with bold fancy red stripe tie I bought on super closeout (5 bucks regularly 50) at Macy's two years ago with the afore-mentioned loafers. Expense of said outfit: less t...

Number of shirts packed for 6-day trip to San Francisco: 8. Never underestimate your ability to spill food upon your shirt. Number of pairs of trousers packed for 6-day trip to San Francisco: 5. Congratulate yourself for the ability to keep your trousers clean. Number of undershirts packed for 6-day trip to San Francisco: 6. No one in their right mind changes their under shirt more than once per day. Number of pairs of socks packed for 6-day trip to San Francisco: 8. Sometimes socks need changing. Usually no more than twice in a trip--usually after a long walk. Number of underpants packed for 6-day trip to San Francisco: 8. Where is my robot body? Number of tie dye shirts packed for 6-day trip to San Francisco: 0. I will also not be wearing flowers in my hair. I will also not be traipsing around Haight/Ashbury. I will also not be remembering the summer of love or Ken Kesey. Number of belts nearly forgotten but packed for 6-day trip to San Francisco: 1. Belts are genera...

The Lunatic on the Bus Held his Arby’s bag close As he laughed uncontrollably The laugh turned into a cough A hacking, phlegm-filled cough And he smiled It was nothing but a joke to him And he gasped, out of breath And began to weep His fellow passengers sat silent And watched the stops Flick slowly by

I was thinking, just now as I was noticing that all the snow has disappeared from the yard, why twitter has become so appealing not just to me, but to the masses. I believe with twitter there is a strong correlation to the solitary spoken utterance. Tweeting is much like making any statement in normal conversation. You say something, usually less than the 140 character limit of twitter, but sometimes up to the limit, but rarely over it and then you may or may not wait for a suitable response from your interlocutor. The difference, of course, is that it is not a normal conversation. There is no interlocutor built in. You are making proclamations in twitter--choosing willy nilly who you want to respond to or not. Ultimately you are saying "I am here. This is what I say. Screw you." Now with twitter, of course, as with normal conversations, sometimes your statements go unnoticed, so you either repeat them or move on with the flow. Sometimes you completely ignore any ...

122/365: lunch @ Whole Paycheck! Originally uploaded by Theorris The best part about going for lunch at Whole Foods yesterday was that I ran into Megastore! I recommended she buy a fancy cake for her Oscar party tonight. She demurred. Why can't I run into my cool friends all the time? Instead I usually run into ex-girlfriends or people who annoy me. Something tells me I should stop this post before I insult someone. For once I am taking my own council.

Brandon Loomis is a rank amateur when it comes to living without a car: Seven Days Without: No car? No sweat? No way - Salt Lake Tribune . It does take time to get used to doing with out and to realize that you are going to have to take more time in order to get to where you want to go. I will say, however, that the premise that Loomis is working under is not mine: I'm not car-less because of economic reasons. I am car-less because of stubbornness and environmental reasons. I am stubborn because I can't see the use in having a car only as a luxury (and not as my main means of transportation) and my environmental reasons are pretty obvious. While Loomis may be saving money trundling about town in his own car because everything is so close, he is not helping the environment by re-joining the legion of single-drivers. He, in fact, is compounding it.

February Originally uploaded by Theorris The snow fell gently yesterday. It had none of the bluster of a January storm. Even those who hate winter could surely have liked that kind of winter day.

Suddenly I read again that poem she wrote for me That's been sitting framed on my shelf Gathering dust It was years ago, has it been years ago now? Now? I was left feeling the lie that is all that it was The lie that makes you want to rip the world Apart But still makes sense She thought she knew me, and she did, in so many Ways. She caught me in that framed bit of truth She knew the snorts or my sleep The desperate grabs at affection The coughing desire fulfilled The unpolished me She knew. And I was angry when I read the poem That at the time I embraced, as I embraced Her I was angry reading it. I was me. I was not That But she was right I am That I am Even God put on the spot Proclaims I am That

I recall reading some time ago that human behavior is motivated more by perceptions of what other human beings are doing rather than on any particular reality that one is facing. We humans are very intuitive creatures, who interpret situations not just intellectually, but also by environmental and social influences. For example, in a psychology experiment designed to determine how unconscious factors influence people, experimenters had test subjects handed either a warm cup of coffee or a cold cup of coffeed to a test subject before they went into an interview. On the whole the people who held the hot cup of coffee perceived the experience of the interview more positively and also performed better. What I am getting at is that if something so simple as warmth can have an impact on us, imagine the impact of our fellow human being's behavior--subtle or not. The economic down turn has really only started hitting the middle class right now, what with the massive layoffs in January (...

My obsession with twitter and crap at work have made me a bad blogger, I fear. If it can't be said in 140 characters is it worth saying? Well, yeah, but as I treated twitter so badly for a year and a half or so, I figure I might as well be nice to it and post around 800 tweets in the last couple of weeks. I suppose i have something more discursive to write at some point, but it sure as hell ain't now. Lord Jeebus get me through the winter. Shit just in writing this I thought of three really good tweets.

Growing sideburns for lisa b Originally uploaded by Theorris I took this shot 2 years ago and it is suddenly getting a substantial number of hits on flickr. Why? Are sideburns in vogue (possibly) or is it my kitchen that everyone is interested in? Or is someone out there searching for everything related to Lisa B. Why the hell was I growing sideburns for you Lisa? Do you remember because I sure as hell don't.

Aside from 6 letters in the same order, Ireland and Iceland also share something else in common: mitochondrial DNA (mDNA). mDNA is the kind of DNA you get from your mother. It, in fact, is handed down daughter to daughter, generation after generation. What is interesting about Iceland is that even though it is assuredly Scandinavian, a good share of its mDNA is closely related to women who lived in Ireland thousands of years ago. How is this possible? you ask. Space aliens ? While space aliens would be a very satisfying answer, scholars speculate that the real answer is much more earthy: rape and pillage. You see for centuries Vikings terrorized the British isles, storming in and stealing goods and women. When settling Iceland randy and wifeless Norwegians took a nip into Ireland and stole some them some wives. Ipso facto. Fascinating!

Over there Originally uploaded by Theorris Woo hoo! My photo was featured today on NewWest.Net . There were many birds in Fort Colliins, Colorado, while I was visiting.

93/365: Happy Birthday! Originally uploaded by Theorris I'm going bowling, bitches! You can check Signifying nothing to determine how many times I've gone bowling on my birthday. I'll be sure to tweet the events.

On the eve of my birth, I feel angry. Listen to the words. Listen to the slap Of angry metal against supple flesh. Can you ever forgive yourself? You will never understand, will you? You will never be right with yourself? But you pretend and you pray. Prayer's got the answer, does'nt it? Doesn't it? Doesn't it? Doesn't it? I forgive you.

Jesus Loves You Originally uploaded by Theorris

Given that my begrudging acceptance of twitter has developed into a full-blown micro-blogging love affair , it makes sense that while I was doing the dishes this morning, my mind turned to creative twitter projects I could engage in. The first is one that I will probably start sometime within the week: "Twitter Haiku Challenge." Basically everything that one tweets must be 17 syllables and contain some natural imagery. Twitter really can't do line breaks very well, so it won't have to look like a haiku. The next project is one, that I find, someone else has already done . Thank god for that, since I doubt that I would have the wherewithal to take on the twitter-guise of Henry David Thoreau and tweet Walden at you. I am still amused, however, at the thought of this tweet: "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. LOL" It looks like twitter Henry David doesn't quite have my sense of humor. Not a LOL or ROTFLMAO in sight.

I'm your only friend Originally uploaded by Theorris

Best lines (not-exact): "Authors take between 10 to 30 years to produce a text." "The author will submit the text to an agent. The agent will staple it and submit it to the editor." "Editors traditionally select character names." "All communication between editor and author is conducted on twitter."

Dreaming of Yes Originally uploaded by Theorris While visiting friends in Colorado, I had the opportunity to go to the Benson Sculpture Garden in Loveland. It is certainly and excellent place and something that SLC would be wont to emulate. While the sculpture was a mixed bag, none of it was exceedingly bad nor amateurish. The garden certainly could appeal to a variety of tastes. Imagine if SLC actually cared for its parks? Imagine a sculpture garden by Lindsay Gardens where the "Salt Lake Garden Club" started a park nearly a 100 years ago and it went to pot because no one cared enough to preserve it. Imagine. I was a bad photographer and did not note the names of the sculptures I was imaging. This sculpture, however, is by far the coolest and most evocative sculpture in the Garden. The motion of it is stunning. I fear I do it little justice.

More than a month ago I submitted a DNA sample to the National Geographic Genographic project. Basically it traces your deep ancestry. While I'm fairly confident in my paternal heritage being Northern European and specifically Scottish/British (and perhaps, due to my specific clan, Viking in origin), I received the following message when I logged in to my Genographic page: ADDITIONAL TESTING REQUIRED Your sample has completed the DNA analysis phase of testing. However, during quality control your initial results failed to clearly indicate your haplogroup. We must perform additional testing to accurately determine your deep ancestral lineage. This is not uncommon, but will delay the posting of your results by two to three weeks. We appreciate your patience. Please also note that this delay is a sign of the Project's success in increasing the diversity of samples in our database. If we find that there is a problem at any point during the processing of your sample, you...

Open speculation is welcome, but I'm on vacation, suckers!

Transubstantiation Originally uploaded by Theorris Open speculation is welcomed.

God I love chickens.

This is one for my mother, Camilla Taylor, Cordelia, Hopabout, and lis (the only truly crafty people I know): Brother Introduces Quattro™ 6000D . My only question is, does it blog?

There are 3 categories to my awards this year: Fine, Great, and Best. Why? I couldn't be assed to think of anything else. And the winners are Fine, but I don't get the hype from Pitchfork division: Fleet Foxes , Fleet Foxes Fine, with some great tracks, but overall lacking something division: The Dandy Warhols , Earth to Dandy Warhols Great, new Canadian find division: Plants and Animals , Parc Avenue . Great, old Canadian find that gets better on each listen but everyone but Win Butler and I seem to really hate division: Wolf Parade , At Zoomer Mountain Best, Beck division: Beck , Modern Guilt Best, forgot that I had it, and recently rediscovered it division: Cloud Cult , Feel Good Ghosts All award recipients will receive one free dagger hallucination and a bar of soap.

I received this in the morning mail: Today is a particularly sad day for all of us at JPG and 8020 Media. We've spent the last few months trying to make the business behind JPG sustain itself, and we've reached the end of the line. We all deeply believe in everything JPG represents, but we just weren't able to raise the money needed to keep JPG alive in these extraordinary economic times. We sought out buyers, spoke with numerous potential investors, and pitched several last-ditch creative efforts, all without success. As a result, jpgmag.com will shut down on Monday, January 5, 2009. The one thing we've been the most proud of: your amazing talent. We feel honored and humbled to have been able to share jpgmag.com with such a dynamic, warm, and wonderful community of nearly 200,000 photographers. The photography on the website and in the magazine was adored by many, leaving no doubt that this community created work of the highest caliber. The kindness, generosity, and su...

Un-named Named! Originally uploaded by Theorris And the winner is...Thor! I know. I know. Thor was not an option in the poll, but the Wilhelm inmates and friends of Wilhelm inmates had several differing opinions on what the name should be. So Thor's full name is "Thor Wilber 'Regulator Johnson' Rodriguez." "Regulator Johnson is his wrestling name.

71/365: Shouldn't I be Sleeping? Originally uploaded by Theorris What the hell? It is vacation and I wake up at 5:00 am! While I was making my breakfast of eggs and bacon, I thought about heart attacks and the cholesterol=lowering benefits of oats. I put oats on my shopping list. Maybe I should go walk in the mall and then yell at kids who may or may not be on my lawn. Damn kids these days. Screw that. I'm going back to bed. That mug, by the way, is from New York from friend Hopabout. It is called "Cat Tricks." The black one laying down is "Fetch." The one standing up like a meerkat is "Go Away." The persian is "Chase." You get the idea.

See the thing about LIVE blogging is that in order to relive a live experience, you have to scroll all the way to the bottom. Oh well. I have more later about the bands that I actually think should be honored this year, and not just listened to incessantly by me.

Hi there, theorris at Last.fm wants to share this with you: Wilco http://www.last.fm/music/Wilco --- theorris said: And the Number One listened to band of 2008 is Wilco! What? Wilco? I blame the incessant listening to Wilco in the Summer due to their concert at Red Butte Gardens. With 379 listens, they beat out beck by just about 80. If Beck had showed up, however, there would have been no contest. Same goest for The Flaming Lips. ---

Hi there, theorris at Last.fm wants to share this with you: Beck http://www.last.fm/music/Beck --- theorris said: Coming in at #2 on "The Most Listened to Band or Musical Group of 2008" is BECK! A SHOCKER! BECK AT #2? Beck is currently #1 on Theorris's all-time play list, but takes second fiddle this year. The world is surely turned upside down. ---

Ok, we're back, and the anticipation of who is Theorris's most listened to band of the year is rolling over the crowd. We've already had many top contenders taken out. Who will it be? WHO WILL IT BE?!

Seriously, don't put your fingers around the edges of seats. You have no idea what other people have put there. Trust me. Back with more in a moment! Who will be the most listened to band of the year? Will it be Beck? Beyonce? Kid Rock?

Hi there, theorris at Last.fm wants to share this with you: The Flaming Lips http://www.last.fm/music/The+Flaming+Lips --- theorris said: Number 3 on the big list of my "Most Listened to Bands of 2008" is...The Flaming Lips! A year without the Lips is like a year without Christmas...on Mars. ---

Hi there, theorris at Last.fm wants to share this with you: Spoon http://www.last.fm/music/Spoon --- theorris said: Coming it at #4 on the "Most Listened to Bands of 2008" is Spoon. What can you say about Spoon other than they are destined to be one of the best musical groups of all time? ---

Hi there, theorris at Last.fm wants to share this with you: Aqueduct http://www.last.fm/music/Aqueduct --- theorris said: Coming in at #5 on Theorris's "Most Listened to Bands of 2008" is Aqueduct. Aqueduct is driven by David Terry and has various members. "Growing up with GNR" is a great song. ---

The top 5 will have more commentary, but most-likely just the same amount of annoyances.

Ok, it is getting annoying. I'm going to go back and take out the "trailer" information from lastfm and just leave it on #15. After the break stay tuned for the top 5!

Hi there, theorris at Last.fm wants to share this with you: Ghostland Observatory http://www.last.fm/music/Ghostland+Observatory --- theorris said: Coming up at #6 on my "Most listened to Bands of 2008" is Ghostland Observatory! ---

Hi there, theorris at Last.fm wants to share this with you: The New Pornographers http://www.last.fm/music/The+New+Pornographers --- theorris said: Coming up at #7 on my "Most listened to Bands of 2008" are The New Pornographers! ---

Hi there, theorris at Last.fm wants to share this with you: The Dandy Warhols http://www.last.fm/music/The+Dandy+Warhols --- theorris said: Coming up at #8 on my "Most listened to Bands of 2008" are The Dandy Warhols! ---

Hi there, theorris at Last.fm wants to share this with you: The Streets http://www.last.fm/music/The+Streets --- theorris said: Coming up at #9 on my "Most listened to Bands of 2008" is or are The Streets! ---

Hi there, theorris at Last.fm wants to share this with you: Eels http://www.last.fm/music/Eels --- theorris said: Coming up at #10 on my "Most listened to Bands of 2008" is or are Eels! ---

No, it is not spam, I'm doing it on purpose. And no, I'm not being a shill for lastfm, but they've happily keep my statistics over past 3 years, so I might as well give them some cred. In any case, I kind of like the bizarro/LIVE way of posting. Dispatches from Theorris! Quite twitter of me, isn't it? Stay tuned for the top 10!

Hi there, theorris at Last.fm wants to share this with you: The Apples in Stereo http://www.last.fm/music/The+Apples+in+Stereo --- theorris said: Coming up at #11 on my "Most listened to Bands of 2008" is The Apples in Stereo! ---

Hi there, theorris at Last.fm wants to share this with you: Hot Chip http://www.last.fm/music/Hot+Chip --- theorris said: Coming up at #12 on my "Most listened to Bands of 2008" is Hot Chip! ---

Hi there, theorris at Last.fm wants to share this with you: Ween http://www.last.fm/music/Ween --- theorris said: Coming up at #13 on my "Most listened to Bands of 2008" is Ween! ---

Hi there, theorris at Last.fm wants to share this with you: The Chemical Brothers http://www.last.fm/music/The+Chemical+Brothers --- theorris said: Coming up at #14 on my "Most listened to Bands of 2008" are The Chemical Brothers! ---

Hi there, theorris at Last.fm wants to share this with you: Broken Social Scene http://www.last.fm/music/Broken+Social+Scene --- theorris said: Coming up at #15 on my "Most listened to Bands of 2008" is Broken Social Scene! --- If you like this, add it to your Library. This will make it easier to find, and will tell your Last.fm profile a bit more about your music taste. This improves your recommendations and your Last.fm Radio. The more good music you add to your Last.fm Profile, the better it becomes :) Best Regards, The Last.fm Email Monkey -- Visit Last.fm for personal radio, tons of recommended music, and free downloads. Create your own music profile at www.last.fm

See, even Wookies like Snuggies[TM]!

New Kitten Originally uploaded by Theorris In the few short hours he's been living with me, I've kind of gotten used to him. (See the previous entry to get the story of how he came to be here.) He also seems to have taken a shine to me. Go figure. He's a very affectionate and playful cat. He also likes to tease the other cat, which I find infinitely amusing. He came with the name "Tango" which I'm not liking that much. I have, therefore, set up a poll other there on the side bar (-->) where you can vote on a name for him. What's it to be?

63/365: New cat Originally uploaded by Theorris Early this morning, my neighbor came over with a curious box in hand. It contained the above cat. Apparently a friend of hers obtained the cat, but that friend's husband was go-to-the-emergency-room, epi-shot level allergic to cats. She wondered if I could take the cat, since he was scheduled to be euthanized in a couple of hours. Oy! What the hell can one do when one is called to an act of humaneness so early on the Monday morning before Christmas? "Tango" (a name which I don't particularly care for) has settled in nicely the hour he has been here. Even the other cat doesn't mind him, and seems to want to play. That's a far sight better than he usually is with comrade cats. Its a Festivus miracle!

I believe I saw this 10 years ago at the Spike and Mike animation festival. I think pickle might be right.

Scary super-90's fitness guru Susan Powter is back, baby, and if you live in a human body you will listen. Another one for Elisa. Sorry, Elisa, I just like the nostalgia. I feel compelled to note that Ms. Powter is not compelled to stop the freaking insanity of the advertisements on her site.

My fucking god! There is actually a video of the fucking worst fucking Christmas fucked up fucking fucking fuckity fuck fucking excruciatingly painful fucking song that ever was. I do believe, in fact, that this so-called song is used for torture purposes. I mean God All Mighty: repeating a chorus about simply having a wonderful fucking fantastica fucking doodilicious Christmas? Fuck! This song, in fact, has nearly destroyed my liking of Paul McCartney. Well that and the rest of his career after the Beatles. Woo hoo! I can use more expletives than an Illinois Governor!

I was bemoaning a couple of weeks ago to friend and secret Signifying nothing reader Elisa the Snuggie that allows you to look like a blame fool in the privacy of your own home: Elisa was aghast at this product (which she had seen advertised on television), so much so that I threatened to buy her one. I know she secretly wants one. Who doesn't want to look like a gaudy Capucin monk watching television, knitting, cuddling, or reading? Yet again given the artic blast we're going to experience this weekend, the Snuggie might not look that bad. Nah. It is the clothing epitome of "Put a Donk on It."

One paints One's own canvas Heavy or light Dark or bright It is one And one's And yours Mark it And be aware Mark it And be glad you are Wearing shoes

This will make you forget that "Donk" shit.

Chavtastic! Dear god, the end of the world is nigh!

Chris has died? I didn't even know he was sick! Originally uploaded by Theorris Bah dum dum. Found on the street. This typo is from a program for a service at the Cathedral of the Madeline in Salt Lake City. It traveled quite a distance, as I found it between 1st and 2nd South on 7th East. That's about a mile away.

47/365: Keep me out of the camera store Originally uploaded by Theorris I went down to Inkley's (a local camera store here in SLC) with the intention of buying a spiffy wireless remote for my camera so I can more easily take these damn 365 day pictures I was coerced into doing on flickr. I walked out not only with the remote, but also a Speedlight Flash from my beloved Nikon. I am a bad shopper. Oh and this is my MTV cribs pose, deluxe. Is that show still on?

More excellent scientific debunking of racism. Part 3 is the best part. Nye can't pick his own DNA pie chart out of a mix of DNA pie charts from people around the world given that so-called "race" accounts for less than 1/1000th of a percent of the differences in our DNA.

Super-artist and erstwhile Utahn Camilla Taylor has put her work up on the interwebs for you purchasing pleasure: Bruxist: Buy for Jesus! I bought me a medium tentacle.

Pay attention to the last little bit. As the narrator, Spencer Welles states racism is not only divisive to us all as a species but scientific untenable, or more simply put by Welles "scientifically wrong."

39/365: Pulling Mussels (From the Shell) Originally uploaded by Theorris I've been meaning to get a USB record player goober for some time now. Today was so dreary here in good old SLC, that I decided to pry open my wallet and go for it. I have some various vinyl laying around and want to digitize it so that I'll not be tempted to just buy it online. Screw the RIAA, I say. I'm surprised that they don't come after outfits that produce these LP to digital devices. Most of my teenage music sucked, but I did have some taste. Most of it, by the way, is on either CD or tape. I'm not that freaking old. My sister, however, is that freaking old, so I'll have to get all her stuff over the holidays. The tapes, I might add, are long gone: they demagnetized rather quickly.

La Hightouchmegastore tagged me, so here goes: 8 Shows I watch Simpsons Family Guy Battlestar Gallactica Nova (yes, I do watch it passionately) Mythbusters Heroes America's Funniest Home Videos (God help me) Lost in Space (thanks Hulu!) 8 Restaurants I love Cafe Shambala Bangkok Thai (sadly out of business--s.o.b) Taj India (s.o.b) Bombay House Baba Afghan (s.o.b.) Cafe Med (s.o.b.) Maza Robert's Deli (s.o.b.) 8 Things I did yesterday Caught up on email Took a picture of myself as a part of an ego-centric flickr challenge Despaired about budget Congratulated an employee Drank beer Stayed up until the wee hours Won $300,0000 in fake money in a Texas Hold 'em tournament Made a list with 12 items and accomplished them all 8 things I'm looking forward to Snow Visiting friends during the holidays Buying a eco-friendly vehicle Turkey Olives Taking some pictures Not thinking about how crappy the economy is Watching movies all day 8 Things on my wish list Eco-friendly ...

Happiness is an airport chair Originally uploaded by Theorris

And I can imagine the British voice overs: "Hello hello hello! What's going on here then!" It does look much more like a Cops episode, however. I do like how Officer Cluck in the back kicked the perp after he and offer Scratch broke up the fight. Note, as well, How officer Scratch intercedes himself between the two miscreants while his partner takes the rear guard. It really is nice to know that cop maneuvers and football and basketball plays are commonly shared in all us critters.

I so very much want one of these beautiful machines: TENORI-ON : create - control - connect . Such machines show us exactly why technology is so damn cool and will ultimately save us from ourselves. Bring on the Cylon! Just kidding.

Angrigami dove 2 Originally uploaded by Theorris Over at zefrank.com , Ze Frank has a new project based upon another project (52 to 48) that stirred up a lot of anger from some in the 48. Basically the project was meant to bridge the divide in politics. Ze, however, got a tone of angry emails. In the spirit of the original project, he decided to not let that anger get to him, so he made a "Angrigami" project ( http://www.zefrank.com/angrigami/ , www.zefrank.com/angrigami/about/) where you can take the angry vitriol and fold it into something else. I chose to fold a dove. Well its supposed to be a dove, anyway.

Religion is such a good thing for the world, isn't it? Jesus smiles down upon these feisty monks. They are, afterall, fighting over his final resting place. I found the section where one of them takes one of the cross standards and attempts to bean his not-so-fellow Christian particularly fitting. I suppose he is giving his brother in Christ a chance to turn the other cheek, or, in this case, the other part of his bashed-in skull.

Even without Williams, the Jazz have been playing pretty well. Given the broadcast blackout mentioned previously on SigNo and the fact that the radio feed from the Jazz web site goes down, I was forced to repair to the Garage (now the official Artlier, Snowboard DYI shop, and Jazz-listening post) to hear the game. (For whatever reason, none of the radios from within the Wilhelm proper can pick up the AM radio signal.) The Jazz were doing fine in the first half and sounded as if they were going to run away with it. The Knicks, despite the fact that "they know nothing about defense" (Hot Rod Hundley), turned it around and ended up giving the Jazz their first loss of the season. I didn't do my usual first game prediction for the season, as I was out of town, but I will stick by my pre-season hubris: the Jazz will make it to and have a very good shot at winning the Western Conference Finals.

I remember back in the 80's that there were very few Jazz games on TV. This was simply because the Jazz had precious little media draw yet and there was precious-little media out there readily available. Yes, we had cable and satellite back in the 80s, but it was nothing like the over-saturation of media that we have at the present. Apparently the NBA, in its infinite wisdom, wishes to return to that time period when the only way you could witness games is on the radio. Pretty much all the Jazz games are on FSN this year. For those of us who have no desire to drink the "Premium Cable Package" Kool Aid at 100 smackers a month, the only option is radio. Sure I could head out to the bars, as I am wont to do on occasion, but that many times a month? Give me a fucking break. Here it goes: fuck you NBA. Fuck you. Pushing all of your games to premium cable is an idiotic mistake. What kind of money are you making off that deal? Jesus. On the other hand, as I sit here,...

The Trail Ahead Originally uploaded by Theorris It may be a long uphill climb from here, but I know we can make it with persistence and making the right choices. We'll survive the winter, and the leaves will come again to the trees. Tomorrow I exercise the greatest obligation we have in a democracy: voting. It is, of course, more than an obligation; it is an opportunity and, indeed, a gift from all those who worked so hard to give it to us. Whoever wins, I feel confident that we will move forward on that trail, as rocky as it seems. I know who I'm voting for. How about you? Go Obama. Go Springmeyer. Go Mattheson. Go whoever believes in the future, in peace, and in Nature (with a big N).