No problem problem



Dear caller,

Signifying nothing can indeed help you with your problem of having no problems! Believe it or not, it is rather common for people not to have problems. Many people lead perfectly ordinary (if not somewhat boring) lives one hundred percent problem free! As you can imagine, this situation is quite problematic.

Researchers are committed to solving the problem of problem-free lives. They currently are testing rats to maximize their failure rate at finding tasty bits of cheese in mazes with the eventual hope of extrapolating their findings to human beings, given that we all know that cheese is the most problem-free food.

The government has for many decades now taken the lead in finding ways to distribute problems equally amongst the populace. With the recent change in the federal administration, however, the direction of those efforts has changed significantly.

Take heart, caller, you are not the only one with no problems. Support groups for the problemless can easily be located in swim-up bars at tropical resorts, and beautiful sandy beaches on Hawaii or Tahiti.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Bwooop!

The trio vs. the pirate-ladyman Recently lis opined that no native Utard remembers Lighthouse 20, the kid show that was broadcast on UHF channel 20. Now I have a slight dispute with lis, in that I remember the pirate on the show was played by a woman, and she recalls someone very different (a man, I presume). Now Lighthouse 20 was not by any means my favorite show (hell I think it replaced Gillagan's Island!), but I do remember it--not really fondly but I remember it. The real purpose of my writing is that I made the comparison of Lighthouse 20 to Hotel Balderdash--a show that apparently ran for 10 years on channel four here in SLC. Now this show was the bomb; not only did it start at 6:00 am 6:45 am and show nothing but 30's-late 40's Warner Brothers cartoons (you know, Bugs and Daffy, but not Porky Pig and certainly not that crap WB churned out from the 50s onward.) These cartoons, of course, were made for adults and the humor was mostly sophisticated in a slapstick kind...
Read more

Tropes of the Trade

This should help you out with your next TV script: Television Tropes & Idioms . Don't forget, if you are doing a love story, your characters must " meet cute ." Come to think of it, does anyone on TV ever meet their girlfriend or boyfriend in any other way but cute? Does any character just meet their potential mate at church or at school or are introduced through a mutual friend? Do they ever just meet up at a party and say hey "do you want to go out?" Isn't there always and necessarily a contrivance to get the two together? Aren't jumbled packages, quaint misunderstandings, or prat falls always involved? Do we know a relationship is not real when "cute" is not a factor in a TV couples' meeting? Well that's why they call it a trope , eh? How does the need to have a "cute" meeting with a potential mate factor into our own perceptions of the rightness or wrongness of a relationship?
Read more

Never Realized Movie Plots #2 (Imagined to be written on a grocery story receipt)

It is 1975 A solo dog runs across Scene Panning back  The camera reveals Wreckage Two cars have Collided, 70's Cars Big boxy beasts With lots of plastic Wood And chrome, plastic Chrome for miles and Miles Slumped over the Wheel of one is Lucille Ball She was drunk, of course Having just Tonight Showed In the day, because day Filming and day Drinking And you would go to A doctor and be offered Scotch The other driver is Groucho escaping his Abuser 70's TV comedy Ensues with biopic Pathos
Read more