Signifying nothing

Miss Manners guides you through the intricacies of proper etiquette. (Brought to you by the same people who brought your Clintor of Omicron Seti 6 .)

I received this in the email today: Hi [Theorris], Long time no see. I hope you're doing well. I'm now working as a staff reporter from the Trib's magazine, IN . Every week we do an MTV Cribs-style story where we tour a cool person's house and take photos. I was hoping you'd be up for it. It's pretty fun. We also have a short profile of the person at the start. All together, the interview and photos should take an hour. Please let me know if you'd like to do it or know someone who would. Cheers, [Reporter Friend] I had to look in the self-perception mirror and wonder if it was really me she was addressing this to as I have never qualified myself nor my abode (whereever that may be) with the term cool . I am also vaguely amused at the idea of showing off my clothes-strewn bedroom, but no doubt the folks would want to just stick to the living areas where all the borrowed ART resides. (Ever see that episode of Kids in the Hall where the guy borrows his frien...

This should help you out with your next TV script: Television Tropes & Idioms . Don't forget, if you are doing a love story, your characters must " meet cute ." Come to think of it, does anyone on TV ever meet their girlfriend or boyfriend in any other way but cute? Does any character just meet their potential mate at church or at school or are introduced through a mutual friend? Do they ever just meet up at a party and say hey "do you want to go out?" Isn't there always and necessarily a contrivance to get the two together? Aren't jumbled packages, quaint misunderstandings, or prat falls always involved? Do we know a relationship is not real when "cute" is not a factor in a TV couples' meeting? Well that's why they call it a trope , eh? How does the need to have a "cute" meeting with a potential mate factor into our own perceptions of the rightness or wrongness of a relationship?

Baseball season is upon us! Originally uploaded by latejc1976 . Possible captions: "See what happens when you get stung by a bee" or "Man those sideburns have got to go." By the way, why have I overheard the etymology of the word "sideburn" 3 times since last week? (They are named for Civil War General Burnside.)

Sounds familiar , doesn't it: Man Accidently [sic] Ends Business Call With 'I Love You' | The Onion - America's Finest News Source .

Go bees! Originally uploaded by latejc1976 . We went to thhe Bees game the other night. Some twerp with giant tatooed hands was sitting behind Jen.

Jiggle Billy Works It I need to find my Aqua Teen Hunger Force DVD.

Hat Shop Originally uploaded by Theorris . The hat shop dudes had some great hats at the Utah Arts Festival.

Uncle Sam gone Gonzo Originally uploaded by Theorris . I almost bought this.

Flying pigs? Originally uploaded by Theorris . Or are they flying cows?

Helmet spider Originally uploaded by Theorris . Extra-cool spider sculture made out of an old helmet at the Utah Arts Festival.

Fall in Originally uploaded by Theorris . Cool metal sculptures made out of old army-guy helmets at the Utah Arts Festival. I'd buy one but I'm cheap.

I used to be better at this whole blogging thing . or I used to be better at this whole blogging thing . or even I used to be better at this whole blogging thing . That's about the time things started going downhill, I think. I jumped the shark s omewhere in 2003 . The mirror has two faces, indeed.

Acquired at Franklin Covey Field, SLC, UT. The Bees lost to the fucking River Cats. What the hell is a river cat?

I think the mob is involved. Found 21st South TRAX station, SLC, UT.

I honestly think some of the best and most fun writing I've done in a long long long long ass time was in the now retired Osterblog . With the help of friends Middlebrow and High Touch , we created something special--something FANtastic. Witness: "Nothing to see here. Move along," the Jazz were saying yesterday like a Monty Python version of a British cop; all the while they knew that behind their outstretched arms was a train wreck. (Osterblog, " Chaotic Stability ") Dang if I don't feel like some fancy sports writer. Note the expert use of a semicolon. Oh shadow!

BBC Radio 3 Arts Talk podcast has a fascinating non-interview with British artist Howard Hodgkin complete with obstinancy, condescension, and airport sounds. It is great.

This is a really hard call. Hot Chip Comming on Strong has a sound to it that seems organic in its first playing, and then seems like a tribute to a variety of artists on other listenings. Plus it just rocks like nothing and makes you just want to give up your day job and take up being in a band. The first tracks drag you in and you can't help but catch on to them. Sinead O'Connor 's Collaborations , on the other hand, is a compilation of her work with other artists. (And I know that last link sucks, but that' s all I could find that seems official.) Aside from some rather unfortunate work with U2 and the ever-boring Peter Gabriel, the whole of the collection is very strong with Bomb the Bass' "Empire" leading the way for compelling music. There is a broad range featuring O'Connor's perfect voice: some political and some just downright sexy and overwhelming. (Did I ever tell you I have a thing for Sinead's voice? God damn that woman ...

Found on 21st East in SLC, UT taped to a street sign. A rather rakish fellow I was with joked that he should get all liquored-up and go "up the street" and ask for said Pokemon cards.

Found at 21st South TRAX station in SLC, UT, humboldt.

And this post marks a seachange for "The Land of Lost Notes." Mostly it has been stupid notes I leave myself or things I find laying around without description, but now I shall offer up a descriptive title and perhaps even where I found said note or object. This was found at the Central Pointe TRAX station. Kindly Snyder deserves credit for making me think better of the Land of Lost Notes to explore its true potential.

So first there was an in-your-face denial by the ever-impressive KSL to see Edmonton tear the shreads out of Carolina in Stanley Cup game 6 on Saturday night. I was all set to take in the game with my 12 pack of Olympia and enjoy its icy Northwestern (via Texas) goodness, but NO. KSL thinks it more important to honor a contractual obligation than allow me or many other complainers watch THE MOST IMPORTANT HOCKEY GAME OF THE YEAR. All for what? To show Real Salt Lake get their asses kicked . Next there was a rip-roaring TIE between South Korea and France futbol game. (To be fair it actually made me think I could watch soccer and made me forgive KSL slightly for showing a dud RSL game in place OF THE MOST IMPORTANT HOCKEY GAME OF THE YEAR--oh wait I've ranted on that already, haven't I?) Anyway, the Korea/France game was a fast-paced and they all were on attack most of it, but still a TIE. There is nothing worse to my finely tuned American sports sensibility than for...

When I woke up this morning I found this in place of everyone's favorite Utah newspaper's website: Now tell me, where's a guy supposed to get his weekly dose secretly right-wing news while lounging about in bed on a Sunday morning? Well I could go to the DesNews, but as attentive readers of the Desserted News know, IT IS FULL OF LIBRULS! I can't have that for breakfast, now can I? (Thanks to the Deseret Spectacle , a fun read any time, for reminding me of that letter .) No, it looks like I am going to be forced to roll my ass out of bed and clean my sty of a house. Ok, it really isn't a sty, but it motivates me to think that it is so I'll do something. Can you tell I'm in a particularly foul mood this morning? "And don't call me Chief." (That's Perry White, if you don't recall.) Somehow I don't think Jimmy Olson would say "crap" however. Now Lois Lane would, but that Lois is a guttermouth.

Salt Lake Tribune - Plan for resort angers anglers : "'We said we would support it with some restrictions. But now, we're re-looking at it because people are stirred up. We'd like the decision postponed because of the public outcry.' " Note how the folks opposed to the development are described: "anglers" and "fishing enthusiats" not "radical environmentalists" or even just the more bland but probably just as inflamatory " an environmental group ."

BBC NEWS | World | Asia-Pacific | Skippy to the rescue : "A female kangaroo has saved an Australian farmer's life by alerting his family that he was lying unconscious in a field."

Stackhouse Suspended for Foul on Shaq : "An irate Johnson also told radio listeners O'Neal was being protected by the league, saying: 'It's been around forever — certain players get royal treatment, certain players don't.' Johnson opened his show with a Cuban-like rant against the way the league has handled cases like this, later saying there is 'no rebuttal, no trial and jury, just a judge.' 'I've been holding my tongue all year about the foolishness, just the foolishness that goes on there,' said Johnson, who was voted the NBA coach of the year in his first full season. 'They're so inconsistent. I'm just embarrassed to have to deal with some of the things I have to deal with. ... We are in a position where we have no authority and we're always reminded of that — we're just coaches.'" Exactly. Sounds familiar , eh?

Salt Lake Tribune - Correction : "A free 'Shred-A-Thon,' originally scheduled for Saturday by Weyerhauser Document Destruction and Recycling, has been postponed and probably will be held in the fall. " Shoot.

Bush creates NW islands sanctuary - Pacific Business News (Honolulu): : "President Bush has decided confer permanent protection for the Northwestern Hawaiian Islands under the Antiquities Act of 1906, the White House said Wednesday night." It is amazing the amount of work you can get done flat on the floor. Stunning, this whole thing.

Bush Plans Vast Protected Sea Area in Hawaii - New York Times : "President Bush will create the world's largest protected marine area today, designating as a national monument a 1,200-mile-long chain of small Hawaiian islands and surrounding waters and reefs that are home to a spectacular array of sea life, senior administration officials said last night." I saw Cousteau's film that is mentioned in the article too and couldn't agree more with this action. I won't comment on the irony of the action by fiat, however, in regards to the Escalante/Grand Staircase fiasco of the last administration. It is not that I don't want to, it is that I am having a hard time typing from the prone position (flat on the floor) that Bush's action has put me in.

Disc-a-rama : "It is getting close. Solitude supposedly openned last weekend, and I'm itching for another season of mountain disc golf. As it rained on Saturday, however, Melongrab and I decided to stay down in the valley." I am also looking forward to sharpening up my regular golf game, improving my ringer ability in horeshoes (I only managed to nab one the last time we played ), revisiting tennis for the first time since I've taken up regular golf, playing late-night basketball at the newly discovered hidden hoops in my hood, doing mad biking on the shoreline trail, taking up bocce, and, of course, developing a kick-ass extreme croquet course in the mighty yard of Wilhelm greatness. Did I leave anything out? Well camping and hiking of course, but that's just something you do here in God's country. It is like breathing.

Will the dog get a commendation for assisting police: kutv.com - Police Chase Ends When Dog Bites Off Owner's Nose ?

When I grow up can I be David Attenborough ?

In either the "its a small world" or "cool beans" category Pete Ashdown is going to be on the BBC World Service today at 11:00 am MDT to talk about the use of a wiki and other online goodness to involve folks in a campaign. It is on the World Have Your Say program. Steve at Orbiter Dicta tipped off the BBC to Ashdown's campaing and has more information on where/how to listen . (Personally I just go to the BBC web site to listen to their stuff via their Real(Media) links.)

As a disappointing perhaps distrubing sign of the times, the independent video store down the street is selling off all of its VHS tapes. The sale has been going on for a couple of months now with pricing dropping incrementally each week. They started, I think at 20 bucks a tape but are now down to the bargain basement price of 99 cents. I went in a couple of weeks ago and found a couple of good deals at 2.99, but resisted buying anything else simply because I felt that I would still find some good deals even after the price dropped to 99 cents. Aside from the titularly mentioned Zardoz (which is now gracing the shelves of some unsuspecting soul), there were still a few things hanging in there despite the incredibly picked over shelves. Here then, without much further commentary are my finds. Comment as you are wont. 1) I think Sheena is right up there in the running for the best 80's psychic talk to the animals movies of the 80s. Do you know if you can find Manimal on DVD? ...

Artichoke Recipes brought to you by Artichoke Advisory Board of California : "GRILLED ARTICHOKES (Recipe for 4 artichokes, 8 servings � artichoke each) This recipe is perfect for the lazy cook, since all preparation can be done the previous day. The slightly smoky taste compliments the nuttiness of the artichoke and no dip is necessary, although some might want to use additional marinade for dipping. Ingredients: 4 large artichokes 1/4 cup balsamic vinegar 1/4 cup water 1/4 cup soy sauce 1 T minced ginger 1/4 cup olive oil Method: 1. Slice artichoke tops off, crosswise. Trim Stems. 2. Boil or steam artichokes until bottoms pierce easily, or a petal pulls off easily. 3. Drain artichokes. Cool. Cut each artichoke in half lengthwise and scrape out fuzzy center and any purple tipped petals. 4. Mix remaining ingredients in a large plastic bag. Place artichokes in the bag and coat all sides of the artichokes. For best flavor marinate in the mixture overnight in the re...

Why have I woken up to a powerful hankering for fried fish this morning?  You know like fish and chips kind of fish.  Maybe it is just the tartar sauce I want.   Is there a place that serves fish at 7:00 am?

Karmaking has challenged me on his blog to take the following survey that he originally found out at Kendrakoo's. Here goes nothing: 1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4. - On the 18th page, the 4th line says: "They took their three mothers' blessings, they made no distinction between them, and came to their father's court." 2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What can you touch? Empty space. 3. What is the last thing you watched on TV? Dallas vs. Miami. Dallas kicked their asses. 4. Without looking, guess what time it is. 3:30? 5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time? 2:43. Zoid, I'm 45 minutes ahead! 6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? Siouxie Sioux's group The Creatures playing on my computer. The aquarium gurgling away letting me know I need to put water in it. The wind rusting the aspen tree next door. A couple of cars passing by. 7. When did you last step outside? What wer...

1: Chance encounter As my buddy Jeff and I were approaching the Depot to see what time the Eagles of Death Metal went on stage I said "Hey that's guy." He was talking to a hot leather-bound girl with beautiful blue eyes. "Yes, I am," he said without missing a beat. The conversation with the girl was quickly concluding and she said "well I'll see you inside" and promptly left. Seeing an opening we started to chat with him, but Jeff had a better idea. He had just called Mariah to see if we could go over to her old place which is currently being occupied by Mariah's sister-in-law Kali and her boyfriend. Instead of talking to Mariah, however, he simply handed the phone over to our Eagles of Death Metal friend. "Hey baby, how's it going?" he said and I busted up laughing. "Its Jessie. You know 'Eagles of Death Metal.'" Mariah, being the Mariah that she is, then proceeded to talk his ear off. Jessie didn...

I wanted to go see The Eels last night since they were in town and I own all E's albums, but opted for tonight's Eagles of Death Metal instead. It should be a good show, in all, as the Wookie particularly likes the Eagles of Death Metal .

Somehow I know with all my infinite skill if I tried this I would either land smack on my head or flat on my ass: How to Run up a Wall and Flip - WikiHow : "Run at the wall with moderate speed. Looking at the spot you are going to put your feet is very important. When you are learning this move, you'll need more speed, but once you've got it down pat, you can try it with less speed as it becomes easier." Either way my precious brains would be in jeopardy.

You've forgotten about the Land of Lost Notes , haven't you? Come on, admit it: you did. I've actually posted what could really be called a note as Note 30 . I lost direction somewhere along the way--actually I can identify it as Note 20 . How the hell does a scan of a Jazz Ticket and the wrapper of a refreshing mint they provided after a game qualify as a note? Tell me, damnit. Tell me! Perhaps the blog should just be called "Land of Mundane Scans."