Starting Spring Break Out Right!

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Originally uploaded by Theorris

This was taken before the Jazz had officially won, but hell yah! Jazz win! Beat the best team in the league.

I'm predicting round three again, as I predicted previously.

Other loves

Aside from the grand old Internet, I feel compelled to more fully answer Dr. Write's challenge by telling you what else I love. This will not be one entry, however, as I can't be assed to think that much about the topic.

The love of today, however, is a simple one: I love beer.

Ode to Beer

Beer, how do I love thee?
I shall not count the ways.

Your hoppy goodness thrills me on the coldest night
Or the hottest day

You are lovely in your yellowness
Slake my thirst
Make me giddy

Leave me enlightened
And oh so good looking

Beer!
I sing to thee the highest of praise
Full of the true, the sallow Hippocrene
Oh for a draught of your brew
That hath been cool'd a long age in the deep-delved fridge
Oh for a beakerful of the cold North!

To pee! to pee!
To whiz, piss, or slash.
It is all the same.
What goes in, must come out,

But, lovely beer, you leave us
Better and happier.

Did you know one of the first poems ever written was about beer and onions. (I also love onions.)

I tag Kendrakoo, Sarahbellum, and Richelle to tell of their loves.

Update: Middlebrow is now tagged.

Now that's convenient!

Dear Utah Legislature,

Stay the hell out of my refrigerator: Utah's strict liquor laws might get stricter.

Yours in Christ,

Theorris Boonasty

Somebody's party

Somebody's party at BestBuy, originally uploaded by Theorris.

This little vignette inspired me to flash fiction, or perhaps it is found fiction. It is no doubt far too racy for my family-friendly blog, and far too sexist. Oh what the hell:

We are standing in the BestBuy parking lot, swilling Milwaukee's Best. It is one forty five a.m. and the trains have stopped running. The bars have closed too, but I don't go to bars because I am flat broke. It doesn't matter that I am underage. That never matters. It is all about the cash.

"Are you going to kiss me or what?" Nikki says to me out of nowhere. She is leaning back on my rust bucket Ford Escort, her beer can up to her lips all frosted with the brightest red lipstick she could find. She is wearing a low cut tight black dress and I literally feel my eyes darting back and forth over her, not sure where to settle.

She is older than me, but not really by much. Maybe 5 years. She bought the beer.

In all, I guess I'm a pretty dumb kid who doesn't pick up on cues very well. I didn't know she wanted me to kiss her. "Sorry, I didn't know you wanted me to kiss you." I didn't even know she really liked me all that much. I don't really like her that much, but her eyes are the the most crazy violet blue. She drops her beer can and it roles under the Escort and then she grabs the front of my tee shirt in one agile move.

"Well duh!" is all she says before pulling me into a hard, hot, sloppy-wet kiss, driving her tongue into my mouth.

I freeze. She looks up to my face. The sulfur light from the parking lot lights catch in her mascara-framed eyes. "Well, aren't you just the shy one!"

I drop my beer and it roles under the car to join hers in the gutter.

The upshot of this, is that I'm thinking of writing a series of pieces based on this image, speculating as to its origins. It sort of becomes "found fiction" then, after all, although I'm thinking of throwing in some less-than-ficiton word things.

Next stop: a story of two vagrants who end up fighting over the beer. I've already got it mapped out; it is kind of like McTeague but without the doneky.

20 things I'm doing instead of watching the hated Spurs play the Cavaliers

As I vowed previously, I will watch no more basketball this season. So instead of watching the opening game of the finals tonight I am

1. shredding old bills
2. listening to Ladytron
3. vacuuming the poker table
4. waiting on an old friend to return from Korea
5. cleaning my computer's keyboard (it is nice an bouncy again)
6. organizing my table
7. listening to Girltalk
8. filling the aquarium
9. getting regular score updates
10. listening to Yo La Tengo
11. watering indoor plants that are suffering
12. cleaning up spilled plant dirt
13. Getting artwork and lyrics for all my iTunes songs
    
14. throwing away dead plants
15. wiping things down
16. ignoring the game
17. doing dishes
18. sweeping
19. listening to Amon Tobin
20. writing this post on my bouncy clean keyboard

I have no idea what I'm going to do for the second half.

Drink beer?