Signifying nothing

So when is a hacking foul by two players not a foul and a time out yelled for by the person so eggregiously fouled not a time out? When you are the craptastic Lakers, that's when. I don't think I've seen a worse officiated game since--oh maybe the last time I watched a crucial play-off game as I saw today in the game between Phoenix and L.A. As Hot Rod Hundley used to say after a particularly bad call that regularly happen agains "non-star" teams in the NBA: "NBA officiating at its finest. You gotta love it, baby!"

1) Blowhard Academics 2) Interminable Email 3) Interminable email from blowhard academics 4) UTA Schedulers 5) Kids who make out while walking down the sidewalk 6) Responsibility

Blog projects I am contemplating: 1) Threatening Wookie Finding things that would piss off a wookie (you know like mouthy & effete droids who think they can play chess). 2) The Unecessary Lightness of Being Exploring the works of Milan Kundera and Jimmy Hoffa. 3) Simply Read The classics in 30 seconds with an 80's soundtrack. 4) Mr. Hammerschmidt Visits San Antonio A travelogue about fast food, loose women, and moral rectitude. 5) Insipid A list of some of my favorite words in context. Can you tell I'm tired, worn-out, stressed, and overwraught? Overwraught: that's word #2 on the Insipid blog, I think.

I think I've found the coolest place on earth: Tristan da Cunha . Note the place names, and the names of their creeks and bays. lonelyplanet.com has a podcast about the island. About 300 folks live on the island. It is located somewhere in the South Atlantic between South America and Africa. They have one TV channel and 2 phones and one Internet connection on the whole island. You can eat all the lobster you want for next to nothing. There is no crime and everyone has a job and is, apparently, quite well-off and happy. For other entertainment you get gail force winds for a good part of the year and the posibilty of volcanic eruption at any moment. In 1961 when the islanders were forced off by a volcanic eruption most of them returned as quickly as possible rather than live out their lives in England. Did I ever tell you that as a kid I would fantasize about living in remote regions of the world?

Finally a site dedicated to videos worse than mine ! Actually my videos are far, far worse than most posted on the site and splideo has been around for a while. The kind folks there wade through hours of the worst of Google Video to bring you the top of the worst. I was quite happy, however, to find the site and fritter away my early morning after a 5 am Saturday morning wake up (don't ask) viewing their selections. I think my favorites listed on the site so far are " Huge Japanese Orange " and " Kids with Guns ." HJO is my kind of film: well-meaing but completely pointless. KWG is just plain messed up. I want to make use of it in my next feature. Shouldn't there be a film festival for all us absolutely wretched amateur videographers out there? Just imagine: ham acting workshops and seminars on "how to really fuck up your poorly conceived idea." M. Night Shyamalan could lead them all.

What a spectacular finsih for Osterblog . Complete with a song from Vera Lynn! Too bad as much cannot be said for its "out of gas" inspiration. Too bad, Jazz. That's 3 years now. What does it tell you?

As I mentioned in a sideways manner a few days ago, last Friday I attended Salt Lake City Weekly 's Best of Utah party last week at the Velvet Room in wonderful downtown SLC, where I witnessed another great Rotten Musicians show, was rude to the new boyfriend of my former girlfriend's sister, and almost made a fool of myself with the afore-mentioned new female friend on the scene whom I have now ceased calling simply because of incompatibilities detected via telephonic device. I think for the first time ever City Weekly gave out a blogging "best of" award, to a blog I've been reading off and on now for a while: slcspin . The editors of City Weekly, however, were completely remiss in honoring any of my friend's or acquaintance's blogs, so I thought I would bring you the first-annual (and most like only) THEORRIS'S FANTASTICO, EXTRA-SPECIALURIFIC, BEST OF UTAH BLOGANITES: Best Bowling Blog that features Utahnians Bowling The Bowling Syndicate Best Bl...

I laughed outloud on the train this morning when I read this: deseretnews.com | Stewart booked? Oops : "They had actually scheduled Jon Alan Stewart, a former motivational speaker, businessman and part-time professional wrestler from Chicago. School officials are calling it an 'unfortunate chain of misunderstandings.' And even through months of discussion they had no indication that he was not Jon Stewart of 'The Daily Show.'"

Some one I actually know has a movie in a film festival: Sleepy E 's Way of the Puck is entered into Houston's Worldfest film festival. Go watch the trailer and sing E's praises here (in other words rate the trailer there): http://www.247show.com/watch-videos-online.cfm/cid/29/sid/232 . So E, how many degrees of separation are you from Kevin Bacon?

$357.67 plumbing bills.

April BBQ Originally uploaded by Theorris . It seems like Spring sneaked up on us this year. Let BBQ Sundays commence!

Rotten Musicians! Originally uploaded by Theorris . This was at the City Weekly Best of Utah show last week. They rocked. I only made a partial fool of myself. Just partial. I swear. I met a nice new FFOtS (Female Friend on the Scene), however, sorta, maybe, you never know, whatever, what the hell (see Sleepy E's Front Porch to find out what FFOtS means.) We'll see how it goes. So far it is just awkward phone conversations. I don't have high hopes.

Goal! Originally uploaded by Theorris .

The Melongrab and Middlebrow Are not Bored! Originally uploaded by Theorris .

Grizzlies vs. the Condors Originally uploaded by Theorris .

So last night I dreamed that people I know were all at the beach having a party. Again this is as much as I remember about the dream, but it does add a nice culmination to the dreams of people I know. I do recall (seriously) Middlebrow and Dr.Write limboing. LisaB was wearing one of those carribean straw hats and was sipping on a Mai Tai. Karmaking was doing homework. There were others there, but those are the ones that I jotted down in my notebook soon after waking. So there you have it: a nice ending to a terrible sequence of murder and governmental scuzziness. Luckilly, my dream trilogy did not end with an Ewok hoedown. Yub nub eee chop yub nub ah toe meet toe pee-chee keene g'noop dock fling oh ah Yah wah eee chop yah wah ah toe meet toe pee-chee keene g'noop dock fling oh ah

More bad dreams: this time people I know involved in government. It left a bad taste in my mouth. What is up with you, people I know? Why are you taking such scummy jobs in my dreams? I don't know details any more. That has faded.

I had the really long post about dream/nightmares I had last night all worked out in my head, but have completely forgotten what I dreamed about (other than it was bad and involved people I know going on a murder spree) and how I was going to write about it. What's the current theory on why people forget dreams?

I awoke this morning and looked at my clock as usual, and felt a great sense of accomplishment since the clock said it was 8:53. My accomplishment, as small as it might seem, was to actually sleep past 8:00 am on a weekend: you see I just don't sleep in any more--despite my most diligent efforts to do so. I suppose this is just conditioning on having to get up early each day for work, and I've just not been able to break the habbit in the two days that I have off. I prefer not to admit that I am edging my way to becoming one of those ancient crones who wake up at 4 am and go walk in the mall. I prefer to think that given enough time I could break this terrible habbit of waking up early and get back to a more respectable rising time of say 11:25. Imagine my disappointment and diminishing self-worth when upon listening to the morning news I was reminded that daylight savings time had gone into force.

Ten worst pop songs I have ever heard but I think I know all the fucking words to but most likely don't and wish to have all memory of them and the tune excised from my thought box: 10) Cherry Pie--Warrant 9) You Light Up My Life--Debbie (was it Debbie?) Boone 8) Pour Some Sugar on Me--Def Leppard 7) Sweet Home Alabama--Lynyrd Skynyrd 6) Lookin' Out My Back Door--Creedence Clearwater Revival 5) Top of the World--The Carpenters 4) In Cars--Gary Numan 3) Sunglasses at Night--Corey Hart 2) Look Away--Chicago 1) Never Gonna Give You Up--Rick Astley Will no one rid me of these troublesome tunes?