Signifying nothing

Dear Mayor, Signifying nothing can indeed help you with your problem of marauding banditos terrorizing your once-idyllic village! Believe it or not, it is rather common for villages and small towns all over the Old West to be regularly raided by bands of ne'er-do-wells and ruffians. They regularly rob banks, start saloon fights, gun down unsuspecting and innocent farmers, and dare to impinge upon the sacred honor of womenfolk. Rest assured, my dear Mayor, the experts from Hollywood, California have long been working on this problem and have come up with a solution! Mr. Mayor, your only salvation is to go out and find a lone gunman, who, while seeming to be despondent and angry on the outside, is willing to take on the bad guys preferably in a single-minded showdown where he will expertly pick every single one of them off until he gets to the leader who will die a suitable and often ironic death. This lone gunman must necessarily have his wife and small children killed off by ...

This is City Living Originally uploaded by Douglas Roesch Flickr contact Douglas Roesch indicates that Pittsburgh is being overrun by turkeys. I can find no relevant news stories by googling "pittsburgh turkey invasion" but apparently Pittsburgh has an annual Turkey Trot sponsored by the YMCA. I doubt this is the type of trot they are referring to. I recall a few years back we had the year of the raccoon in SLC. The blackeyed critters were everywhere. This year may be the year of the Mormon Cricket, given the wet spring weather we are experiencing, and that wee beasties proclivity to procreate under such conditions. An invasion of cougars would be cool, but I fear too many of the concealed weapon carries of Utah would take vengeance on the big cats.

Awesome ! Robert Barclay Allardice . Family lore suggests that my ancestors had similar ambitions as Laird Barclay. Perhaps, these feats of strength and endurance are or were just a Scottish thing. My illustrious Scots ancestor had many reputed hikes and walks and jumping over broomsticks. I can still jump a broomstick at 3 feet standing still (as could he of polygamous fame) and can hike mountains. Scotland! We are a hearty people. I guess it makes sense. Fascinating fact #8: "Pedestrian" used to just mean a racer who was on foot, as "equestrian" was a racer who raced on horseback. Fascinating! While I was on the bus and reading about Captain Barclay in The Lost Art of Walking by Geoff Nicholson, I had a brief fantasy of just taking off on foot for a vacation and see where I ended up. Could be fun. It fits my heritage. Perhaps I will jump over a broomstick or two on my way.

What did Jesus do The day after Easter? I mean the Gospels Aren't so clear on that Subject After a busy weekend of Dying an excruciating Death: scourged, crucified, Stabbed in the side for Blood and water to fall To mother Earth And give salvation to Mankind (all that on Friday, mind you) Then, according to Catholic magesterium, Harrowing Hell of all The righteous prior to His ministry on Earth All day Saturday (The reception line on That one must have taken Most of the afternoon) Then rising in A flash, leaving only The imprint of His Humanity on a disputed Shroud What did Jesus do That fine Monday morning? I prefer to think He took a vacation In Tahiti or Samoa Lounging on the beach Not worrying about A single thing But loving and living Life eternal and blessing All the little sea Birds that flitted By his beach chair. Becoming God Almighty, Afterall, is no easy Task. He deserved Some time off.

We are lucky they employ us at all In our eccentric clothes And disheveled hair "What do you have to offer?" They ask with slavering lips Mindful of the last bit of beef They ate, now stuck in their Teeth "What do you have to offer?" "Uncommon sense and a liking For clouds that rim blueberry Against a cold sky." A stupid answer but it seems to Impress. In the meantime they find a Toothpick.

Dear caller, Signifying nothing can indeed help you with your problem of having no problems! Believe it or not, it is rather common for people not to have problems. Many people lead perfectly ordinary (if not somewhat boring) lives one hundred percent problem free! As you can imagine, this situation is quite problematic. Researchers are committed to solving the problem of problem-free lives. They currently are testing rats to maximize their failure rate at finding tasty bits of cheese in mazes with the eventual hope of extrapolating their findings to human beings, given that we all know that cheese is the most problem-free food. The government has for many decades now taken the lead in finding ways to distribute problems equally amongst the populace. With the recent change in the federal administration, however, the direction of those efforts has changed significantly. Take heart, caller, you are not the only one with no problems. Support groups for the problemless can easily ...

Having a problem? Signifying nothing will help you out!* SigNo now has a help line-- call 206-888-4379 and leave a message. You can even FAX an item, if that is your druthers. Another fine service brought to you by Signifying nothing. Who says I don't do anything for you? *Answers will be posted on signifyingnothing.com whenever I get around to it. All submissions are subject to being posted here. Beware. Be very aware.

163/365: another fancy hotel lobby Originally uploaded by Theorris

This song interferes with their Ability to love Wait a minute, that's not how It is supposed to be Songs are supposed to seduce Songs are supposed to kiss You know the song of songs? Are you the hart or are you the doe? Do you kiss with the kisses of Your mouth? It takes a minute to recover from that A soul ticking minute.

It is a contest: guess what this map of consumption is defining.

Each night we baptize Spoons and cups and dishes Washing them clean of filth Readying them for another day Of sin