Friday, August 19, 2005

Recipe of the Day: Grandma Al-Saddiq's All American Tabbouleh!

First you do the dishes:

Well first you open a beer, and then you do the dishes:
(Suggested Music: Lynyrd Skynyrd's Thyrty: 30th Anniversary Collection.)

Next you gather your ingredients and necessary items:
(Right to left: cracked bulgar wheat, ground cumin, garlic, green onions, mint, cucumber, salt, lemon juice (you can squeeze your own if you are one of those east-coast libruls), 2 tomatoes, black pepper (damn what kind of pansy grinds his own black pepper?), parsley and olive oil.)

You'll need a knife, something to cut on, a garlic press (yeah yeah more pansy-ass cooking gear, but it is better than wasting all your time cutting up the shit), a couple of bowls, and a measuring cup. Oh don't forget beer:
Remember beer? Good-old all-American beer! How could we forget it?!

It is best to wrap yourself in the flag while making this recipe, to fend off any attacks that you are a secret Islamicist. The stars and bars would be best, but Old Glory will do in a pinch.

So here goes:

Mix 1 cup of water with 1 cup of the bulgar wheat. Let is soak for 30 minutes or so:

While your waiting for the bulgar to soak, catch up on your Weekly World News:

Next chop the living Jebus out of scritch-load of parsley (2 bunches is a scritch-load)

and a bunch of mint (about a half cup)

and 3 green onions

and 2 tomatoes

and a cucumber

Bust out that wimpy-ass garlic press and crush-up 3 cloves of garlic
(Ignore any Tabbouleh recipe that does not include garlic. Such recipes hate our freedom.)

You can put the garlic in with the olive oil (1/4 cup) and the lemon juice (also 1/4 cup):

Pour (American) or grind (French) in around 1/2 teaspoon pepper. You can use less if you are anti-American:
Ok, so I'm part French. Mierde!

Salt it up! Real Americans use 1 tsp or more of salt. Pinkos use 1/2 teaspoon or less:

Now the crowning glory--cumin. I know it smells like B.O. but once it is mixed in, it just smells like, well ok B.O:

Once the bulgar has soaked, dump in all that shit you cut up and poured out then mix it together:

Here's what the final product pretty much looks like:

Serve with beer and bacon-cheese burgers.


  1. A series of comments

    That's a lot of parsley, no halitosis or digestion problems with this dish.

    Why do you have 3 bottles of olive oil?

    Those slot windows under the cabinets are very cool.

    and finally, Yummy!

  2. I feel like if I entered that kitchen I would loose a limb, looks yummy though.

  3. Mmmmm, bacon.

    I think the critical thing is mint. Mint is bery, bery bersatile.

    I salute and endorse your recipe, including sartorial and beverage advice.