Day 19: Swimming

I was always embarrassed that I
Can not swim. I have always
Been embarrassed that I cannot
Swim. I will always be embarrassed
That I cannot swim.  Even
Now when I admit this on
Paper here, with watery blue
Ink, I am embarrassed that I cannot
Swim

It is not, of course, that
I have not tried to swim.
It is not, of course, that
I was not forced to swim.
It is not, of course, that I
Will still keep trying to swim.
I will continue to try
Like I did while at pool's edge,
Waiting to take my lap in
Gym, diving in, feeling water
Split under me, feeling
Myself sinking, dropping,
Falling out of the Air
Drowning

I did not hear Coach
Jump in after me, but
I know it is him when
I feel his arm cricle
Around my chest pulling
Me up and then across the
Pool to the edge where
The water laps.  I grab
Tight onto the trough
Between the edge and
The deep

"Why didn't you say you
Couldn't swim?" he asks
Panting.  I, feeling chlorine
Sting my eyes, look down
At the shimmering water,
Shifting my weight, and say
Nothing