Friday, June 27, 2008

Dude! your web site sucks, but is relatively fantastic! or Failing the Turing Test with your pals from North Salt Lake

In seeking out information on whether Redman Campground here in Utah up Big Cottonwood Canyon was open or not, my friend discovered this gem (also known as crap) in the Internet's tubes: Redman Campground - Wasatch-Cache National Forest, Utah. (Note the map puts the camp ground in downtown Salt Lake, right where the First Security building is instead of up Big Cottonwood canyon. It must be fun to camp at a bank.)

I have no idea who wrote this page but I have a pretty good idea how they did it. For those of you who don't want to follow the link, here is a sampling of the fun:

This campground is a good place to go to. A journey to Jordan River State Park when you're here at Redman Campground is a pleasant idea; an afternoon playing golf at Old Mill Golf Course is always a bliss. Ok, you've been cooped up for too much time, you need to get out of the house, and Redman Campground in Utah is a magnificent site to go. You can run the rapids of Jordan River next to Redman Campground, and Mormon Pioneer National Historic Trail is one of the destinations that are great to stop at close by.

All of the things it mentions are miles away out of the canyon. Since when does the placid Jordan River have white water? Just in case they were referring to the creek that runs by Redman, I doubt many people shoot the rapids of the mighty Big Cottonwood CREEK, given that it is about 3 feet deep at the height of spring runoff, and the rocks in it would bash any kayak to bits. I suppose some adventuresome soul who wished to no longer own a kayak could give it a try, and perhaps has.

The author is obsessed with golfing too, with at least 5 golf courses mentioned (all of them within easy walking distance, if you have two days to spare).

Here is my favorite statement: "The caring personnel and all the exciting stuff to do are relatively fantastic." Relatively fantastic? Relative to what? KOA? Also, what do the caring personnel have to do with the extravagant amount of things to do in the entire state of Utah?

The above sentence is followed closely by my second favorite statement " Redman Campground you always meet someone from North Salt Lake. A lot of fun is at this campground." It is well-known here in Utah that the people of North Salt Lake are the funnest people to camp with. It has something to do with the refinery and the open gravel pit.

And speaking of relativity: "You'll wish for more hours in a day to enjoy all the enjoyable things at Redman Campground. City Creek Canyon is a good place to spend some time at, and great skiing awaits you at Snowbird." What the hell? City Creek Canyon is 12 miles away from Redman, and Snowbird is up the other canyon. Now that would be a fun hike! You get to dodge traffic and you will enjoy doing it. I know I enjoy doing enjoyable things.

Yet, perhaps you won't have to worry about spending a lot of time wandering around, since it seems that Redman Campground gives you the ability to bend space and time! After all, you can apparently gaze at the wonders of Ensign Peak from there. The eleven thousand foot tall Wasatch Mountains between cannot block your view of a six thousand foot mountain 20 miles away. Einstein would be proud of the gravity well that is Redman Campground.

My friend thinks this page was written by a drunken Korean child. I however, believe it was written by a computer program (most likely drunken) pulling out declarative sentences from other web sites in order to bump their Google Adsense revenue. The more keywords (like golf or hiking or camping) you mention, the more hits you are likely to get on a Google search, and then your advertisements on that page pay off through impressions and (no doubt) click throughs.

Well the program failed the Turing Test, but it sure gave me a good laugh.

You should look at their other campground descriptions. You might enjoy a "spree", for example, in Smith & Morehouse (a particularly beautiful canyon in the Uinta Mountains 75 miles away from Salt Lake City), with, you guessed it, your old pals from North Salt Lake. Apparently they esteem Smith & Morehouse especially.


  1. Anonymous12:48 AM

    "It is very waterless here at Mount Timpanogos Trail commonly; the wettest month of the year is regularly April, that's the one that rains the most."

    Such strange hypnotic beauty. Can't stop reading.

  2. Anonymous12:50 AM

    "When the snow covers the ground the skiing here at Days Inn South is great. The reception desk at Days Inn South is always manned, which is obviously great, and get world events by reading free of charge daily newspapers."

    Ski Midvale!

  3. When I read the article, I immediately thought of some of the essays I've received from some of the ESLers over here. "Run the rapids of the Jordan River"? Written by someone who thinks that stylistic prose with an abundance of adjectives can overcome any factual error.